I’m sorry if this is the wrong subreddit to post this in, I don’t really know the reddit rules that well. I’m really needing advice if anyone could please help! This is a throwaway for obvious reasons and names/details changed for privacy.
So I (23f) and my partner (22m) have been together for a little over 5 years now, yay! Things are great between us, and we have a relationship I treasure very much. That’s about as good as the story gets sadly lol.
Over 6 years ago myself and my ex boyfriend (now 23m) split up. We were together from when I was 13, until I was 16. I want to keep this explanation as brief but as informative as I can, because otherwise I could go on forever.
It was very abusive. He was extremely controlling to the point of my friends, his friends, my family and even his extended family (some cousins I was friendly with) could all see it. Not letting me go out without him but doing the same himself, not letting me have male friends. He was also physically abusive, sometimes leaving massive black and blue bruises on my arms or legs. He once broke my finger. He’s extremely manipulative, as well as emotionally and verbally abusive. He would gas light me constantly. He once used my OWN phone to sext other girls and then told me that I didn’t see the message thread pop up before he deleted it (and yes I found actual solid proof, still didn’t happen). These are just some examples.
He tried to be extremely involved after we split, which I did agree to an extent. We shared a lot of classes in senior year. I didn’t want bad blood and to be honest I didn’t know what I had been through wasn’t okay at the time it happened.
When I started dating my partner, my ex decided to try stir shit by messaging me things like “he’s talking about you behind your back, saying you’re clingy and annoying”. He also lied to my friends about coming to my home, uninvited during a house party. My friend at the door let him in but I was in my room with my partner. We didn’t leave the room and he told my friend Paige at another party later on that we had a talk. Alone. In my bedroom! How did we manage that when my partner was with me and the door was locked from the inside the moment I was told he was in my house?
Anyway, I live with Paige now. She is amazing! I guess she is another good thing in this story. My ex and Paige were friends until I opened up about what happened between us. She realised what he was “joking” about with his mates was actually true and she felt sick and scared.
Paige has not spoken to him in 4 years. I have not spoken to him in nearly 5 years. He is blocked everywhere on my social media and phone. He never spoke to my partner outside of usual highschool passing, or even liked him at all. Once my partner borrowed a set of jumper leads in an emergency. It was a 2 second pick up and drop off afterwards. That is all the communication they have had.
Yesterday my partner got a message from my ex at midnight asking to talk. He hasn’t replied and my ex hasn’t said anything else to him. However, he did message Paige an hour after. Saying the same thing. Neither opened till morning. Paige replied, after calling me panicked asking what he wanted.
My ex: “I don’t remember this, I was drunk. How are you?”
P: “I don’t know why you’re messaging me after we haven’t spoken in so long, if you want something just say it because I don’t have time for your games. It’s suspicious you messaged after all this time and it’s also strange you messaged my current partner the same thing!”
Ex: “We used to be mates! I haven’t done anything wrong? I wanted to talk to him about something. I don’t remember what I wanted to talk to you about. I don’t have time for games man, I’ve been on oxy for an injury and I was probably cross faded when I messaged”
He never replied when asked what it was he wanted to talk to my partner about. My ex hasn’t messaged anymore apart from some alarming messages about his current mental state not being great. This whole thing is just throwing up red flags and I have no idea what to do?
He’s blocked everywhere my end, all my friends and anyone close to me does not have contact with him in any form and have removed him off socials.
I don’t have our old messages as I deleted them (hindsight is 20/20) and without them I have next to no evidence of him being threatening or dangerous. I went to the police back when he entered my house to see if I could get any kind of restraining order but I wasn’t able to.
I do not want to reach out to find out what he wants, because he honestly scares me. My preference would be if he just ceased to exist and I never had the misfortune of interacting with him in any capacity ever again. However I know that isn’t going to happen, so please help me figure out what to do! I feel sick to my stomach every time I think about this. Paige feels the same. My partner and I are fine and he has already been through his lies and bullshit before, so I’m not anxious about that. I’m also pretty boring lol and I’m not hiding anything so I have just been sat here stressing about what he could possibly want after all this time! I just want him to go away and feel like I’m safe. I don’t like that its kind of confirmed he knows us 3 live together by messaging them both the same thing. I’ve taken a mental health day from work to be with Paige and just talk about ways to try handle this but we are honestly just stumped. Please help! Thank you.
TLDR: My abusive ex has popped out of the woodwork and slithering his way into my house mate and my partner’s DM’s. Looking for advice on what I should do from here!
Submitted October 19, 2022 at 01:05PM by Accomplished_Cup2323 https://ift.tt/7quI4U1
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