I (M26) had a talk with my gf (F26) about why I’m not feeling 100% happy in our relationship atm but that I want to work to fix it - she has taken it very badly, need advice on what to do next.

I've been with my SO for 2 and a bit years and living together for 6 months now. She really is my bets friend and we love each other. But since moving in together I've slowly been getting unhappier to the point where last night I had to tell my gf honestly how I am feeling.

I know I should have communicated earlier but I really struggle telling people my inner feelings and also she is very emotional and in the past any talk about our relationship has just resulted in her going into crying shutdown mode which has made me scared to brings things up.

Here's what I said to her:

1. We haven't had sex for 4 months, and I miss having an intimate sexual relationship. We still kiss and cuddle but it's not the same, our sex used to be great. she said it's the stress of moving and her job turning horrible and that she has body confidence issues, which in the past she has mentioned and I have tried to reassured her. she also said she hasn't noticed this being a problem which I find hard to believe as she use to love sex.
2. I miss how our relationship used to be when we lived separately, but that I understand that we can't live our lives in the initial dating phase forever. But seeing as this is my first long term relationship I've never been past this phase before and I'm finding it hard and I know it's wrong but this is just how I'm feeling.

There are other points about why I'm unhappy atm too (job, family stuff and struggling to settle in the city we moved to) that have all contributed to my unhappiness and I explained this.

Also throughout this chat I repeatedly said that I want to fix these problems and make things work, I apologised for not speaking sooner but that this is me trying to communicate properly now.

She has taken it very badly, as if I've just broken up with her which is not what I'm trying to do. She hasn't stopped crying and saying that what I've said is too fundamental and can't be fixed, and that I've complete blindsided her as she thought everything was great. She's also said she thinks I need to go away and stay with my parents for a bit.

I will add that I know I haven't been 100% perfect in this relationship, she said she sometimes feels as though we are one sided because I don't do enough thoughtful things or make her feel good about herself - I had no idea about this and it made me very upset as looking back I think this is true but I was just oblivious to it.

I feel terrible and guilty and that what I have done is cruel and selfish. All I was trying to do was communicate honestly about how I am feeling so that we/I could fix it. The way she's reacted makes me feel like it will be so hard to talk to her again. I don't know how to take it from here, any advice on how I should react/behave now would be much appreciated.

TLDR: Been with gf for 2 ad a bit years, 6 months of that living together. I've been slowly starting to feel unhappy over the course of a few months due to lack of sex and generally missing how our relationship used to be. I tried honestly telling her this and she has taken it very badly treating it as if I'm dumping her and saying that what I've said can't be fixed even though I've repeatedly said I will try hard in this relationship and want to fix things. where do I go from here?

Submitted October 24, 2022 at 03:52AM by CheapCourage4396 https://ift.tt/WUbmghB