My (31f) ex-addict husband (32m) had drugs delivered to our house where 7mo baby lives. Should I take our baby and leave?

This is long, sorry, but I wanted to include relevant details.

I've been with my husband for 11 years, married for 3.

My husband is a recovering alcoholic and has been sober for almost two years now

Last year, I got pregnant (it was planned and happened really quickly, and we were both so excited).

During the 2nd trimester, & the first month of the 3rd, we hardly spent any time together because we'd work, make dinner, and then I'd normally go to bed early because I was pregnant and tired. Looking back I was really lonely. He has extreme health anxiety and didn't like me leaving the house and risking getting covid, especially around Nov/Dec because he was worried we'd catch it and risk not seeing our families at Christmas.

He was staying up later than me almost every night and was subsequently late for work almost every day too (start time 9am, actual start time 9:30-10am).

At some point (I'm guessing around Oct/Nov but I can't remember exactly), I woke up, came downstairs and saw a debit card, a rolled-up bank note and some white powder on his desk in the living room. I asked him about it later and he gave some bullshit excuse that it was flour or sugar or salt or something AND I BELIEVED HIM. I feel like SUCH an idiot now, it was so insultingly obvious, but I trusted my husband and it never even crossed my mind that he would lie to my face.

On Christmas day (I'm 7 months pregnant by this point), we were playing games with my family, and he nipped away to get something. I also had to get up and get a drink, so I went into the kitchen and found him with white powder up his nose. EVEN THEN I didn't twig, and I was like "what's that up your nose?" and he laughed nervously and said "a bit of coke".

I can't explain how I felt, I think I was in shock. I just made an excuse to my family and went to bed alone and cried myself to sleep. The next day I told him we would have to break up, that we weren't compatible as he wants to be a casual drug user and I'm not ok with that (ESPECIALLY around family? On Christmas day? When I was 7 months pregnant? And, as I then found out, in the evenings just at home by himself?) and he broke down & told me he'd been hiding an addiction from me for months, and that he took either cocaine or speed almost every night.

This is getting really long (thanks for reading if you still are) so I'll wrap up quickly; I gave him another chance because addiction is no joke and I love him. He went cold turkey and would come to bed with me most nights so I could see he wasn't taking it. I do trust that he stopped taking it.

Our baby was born end of Feb and is now 7 months old. Lately my husband has been staying up much later than me (I go to bed 9:30-10pm as I have to get up between 5:30-6am with our baby), has been late for work again etc.

Yesterday, a package arrived in the post. It looked EXACTLY like the ones that used to arrive all the time last year and my gut instinct was telling me what it was. I opened it (I know this is awful, but I justified it thinking with the baby in the house I can't risk not knowing), and there was a bag of white powder inside.

Again I think I went into shock. He's tried to justify saying it's just a bag of speed, it's just a one off, and he's got friends coming over this weekend to make music so he was just going to take it to stay up late, that it's just like having a drink. I know 100% that neither of his friends take it, so it's all for him.

He told me he was planning on hiding this from me because he didn't want me to know.

I don't know what to do. I'm clearly naïve regarding drugs, and I feel like I can't trust my husband again. I'm also extremely forgetful (medication/having blood tests done to see if there are other issues causing it) so when he says things, I can't trust my own memory to go back and see whether it's true or not so I end up really confused, for example, have other packages arrived recently and I've just not twigged?

I'm worried about my baby being in a house with drugs, but my husband has sort of half convinced me that speed is fine and is quite mild/not dangerous anyway. But I don't know if that's true, I don't know if it's true that this is just a one off that I happened to catch, I don't know if he's regularly taking speed/coke again, and I feel like I can't trust him.

I feel like there are four issues;

1. Safeguarding my baby, without question the first priority
2. Trust has been eroded in my marriage, so even if he tells me he's sober now I won't believe him
3. I don't want to be married to an addict who relapses and thinks it's ok to have drugs in the house with our baby and hide it from me
4. The conflict in my head that I want to believe him, I love my husband so much and I don't want to leave him

I don't know what to do, or what my next steps should be. I've asked him to leave for a week (actually a fortnight but he haggled down to a week), but I left his car key in my parents car (memory issues) so he can't leave the house til we get it back today. He keeps trying to talk to me and hug me and I just can't because it makes everything hurt so much more. What are my options here? What would you do?

TL;DR - My husband had a cocaine/speed addiction, got clean and recently had speed delivered to our home where our baby lives. Told me he planned on hiding it from me. I don't know if this is the first time he's been taking drugs recently, how to proceed to safeguard my child or how/if it's possible to save my marriage.

Submitted October 20, 2022 at 03:43AM by Big-Sundae-1006 https://ift.tt/5MroZ67