Tl;dr — boyfriend drinks & smokes marijuana on occasion, turns into a completely different person. When sober says he wants to stop, but fails to do so and gets mad at me for reminding him
I (25F) love my boyfriend (28M) to bits. We’ve been together through some pretty good and bad moments over the past 4 years, especially over quarantine and lockdown.
He’s recently gotten back into “recreational” marijuana and drinking. He has almost no impulse control. What more, he’s aggressive when he’s not sober. On a few occasions, he’s even been rather abusive: once, he pulled my hair, but usually he just stares daggers at me and dishes out verbal/emotional abuse. He knows that he shouldn’t be drinking and smoking not least because of the harmful health effects, but he has ADHD, and once he starts, he simply cannot stop. He’s drunk 12 cans of beer in a day, that sort of thing. It usually comes with demeaning and insulting comments, and great hostility.
When I try to talk to him about it, he gets extremely dismissive. He tells me there’s no use trying to achieve a compromise because I’ll “never understand nuances”. To him, compromise is simply not telling me about it so I “don’t know”. To be fair, this is usually in response to finding out he’s been drinking/smoking again, so “knee jerk reactions” as he calls it.
When sober, he’s said multiple times that he knows he really needs to cut out alcohol and weed, but when he’s drunk he just gets annoyed at me for reminding him. He gets uncomfortable when I then remind him the next day, when he’s sober, about the ways in which he’s treated me before, and how I’m worried that he’ll do that again when he drinks/smokes.
He’s recently started lying by omission, and I almost feel as if everyday is a test to see if he can get away with being drunk/high without me knowing, so I cannot say that he mistreats me after drinking/doing weed. It’s disheartening. We’d been talking about our future together, but today he said that since I’m just “forcing” him to stop using substances he would just “see what happens”, insinuating that he might not want to live with me in the future. He usually twists the dagger when drunk, having admitted before that when in that state, he can’t control himself from saying things he knows will hurt me, but which he doesn’t mean at all.
At this point it’s just heartbreaking, and I start to question whether he truly means all the terrible things he says.
I just want my sweet boyfriend back. He keeps oscillating between being determined to give up weed & alcohol and going back to it “for some fun”. I hate how he treats me when under the influence. I want to have a serious talk with him about how it’s affecting us, not least his health. How can I approach such a conversation? What are some angles to consider? Is there any hope? Will couple’s therapy help?
Submitted October 29, 2022 at 06:55PM by hungry-influencer-33 https://ift.tt/Yyofh5K
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