Hi,
Throwaway account. My girlfriend and I have been dating for about one year and 4 months, and I don't know if I'm actually not trying hard enough, or if she is emotionally manipulating me. When she isn't upset with me, its awesome, she is so beautiful and sensitive, listens to my problems, we like the same movies, music, and always laugh together, not to mention our sex life is really healthy.
We started dating at the end of high school, and it was a whirlwind romance at the start. We both went to the same university, and the first two months were great, constant sleepovers, going out, etc. Though there were a few road bumps, one of which I fucked up really bad (something I will regret for the rest of my life), everything seemed to be going well. She still showers me in affection and does nice things like cooking breakfast for me and calling to check in, as well as reading a book on attachment styles to better our relationship.
However, for the last six months, she has been snapping at with me. It's ramping up in frequency to at least twice a week. It always follows a pattern: she becomes passive, I pry for a bit to find out why, as I want to support her, and she breaks down crying. Her response? I don't reach out to make plans (I do and have been at least three times a week), don't text her I love her enough (I text her this every single day and call her), that I make her feel pathetic and annoying when I say no to seeing her, and that she's never enough. I'll explain that I have a life outside of her, and even though I love her to pieces, I just need me time, and she shouldn't take it personally. When I say I feel terrible, I make her feel like that, and I try my best, her response is always that she loves me and I am "good enough 95% of the time; it's just the 5% I need to improve on" with texting her. Either way, it always ends in meeting at a "middle ground," in which I agree to check in more and take her on dates while being more reassuring, and she agrees not to take it as personally.
Now, at least once or twice a week, this passive-crying- "you aren't doing enough and make me feel like shit all day when you say no, you don't text me enough" cycle just repeats. I always feel like I am in the wrong, I tell her I feel terrible and badly about myself for making her feel like that, and I'm really trying (because I am), and its the same thing: "you are good enough, you just know I need reassurance". So we make up, meet the middle ground, and it happens again.
It's gotten to the point where I was studying for exams this weekend and had plans during the nights, so I told her that I wouldn't have much time to see her. She texted me while I was deep into studying on Sunday, asking to hang out for 10 minutes to say hi. I said, "I'm sorry, I really want to see you, but I am just in my zone right now. I could lose focus on my work if I come to see you. Maybe we can study together later? If not, let's call when I get a minute." I ended up off campus and told her I couldn't study but missed her. Of course, she became passive aggressive, asked to say hi again, and I asked, what's up? The same thing happened "you can't even make ten minutes for me. I feel pathetic." while balling her eyes out. I informed her that I wanted to and not to take it personally, but again she blamed me for inquiring as to why she was upset and "didn't want to make it a big deal, and I made it a big deal by asking."
Am I failing to provide to her? I feel horrible stringing her along if my actions cause this much hurt, and can ruin her day. I'll admit sometimes I could be better at texting her, but I always text a couple of times throughout the day and check in. Is there more I can do, or has she been manipulating me for validation? It just feels like she wants to be sad and upset at me. I feel so trapped and constant self doubt, because she always says that she believes in the relationship. On the other hand, I feel like nothing I do will ever make her happy, and that she is insecure and using me as a scapegoat. I just don't know.
I'm at the point where I am seriously thinking about walking away, what do you think the best approach to this situation is?
TLDR: Girlfriend constantly gets upset with me and cries, accusing me of not making time for her. We find a middle ground where I agree to text her/ reach out more, and she agrees to not take me being busy personally. Then the cycle repeats despite my repeated efforts. Don't know where to go from here, and whether or not she is manipulating me.
Submitted October 18, 2022 at 10:53AM by Unsure_Throwaway250 https://ift.tt/PV10sLh
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