I (24M) have been married to my husband (30M) for almost a year now. We've been together for just over three years. He is the love of my life and I am so grateful we found each other. There is almost nothing I would change about our relationship.
Almost nothing.
There is one thing that I have no idea how to address: this man takes (what I think is) an excessive amount of showers.
He'll often take a shower in the morning to wake up. He works at home, so he'll take a shower on one of his fifteen minute breaks. Or on his lunch break. Or both. When his work is done, he almost always takes another shower. If he goes out running errands or hanging with friends, he'll come home and immediately shower. Often he'll shower before he goes to bed, too.
I've prepared dinner at his request before, timed perfectly, and he'll get home and shower for twenty minutes while the food goes cold. I ask him to be quick, and sometimes he is, but it still disrupts our plans. Or I'll ask to have some "us time" before going to sleep, and he'll shower first, and by the time he's done I'm all but passed out.
On a good day, it's just one shower, usually the one after work. One shower a day is all well and fine. On a bad day it's four showers, or a couple showers and a bath. Maybe more than 4 showers, but I don't want to exaggerate and make it seem worse than it is.
I have had some struggles with depression and have trouble taking showers often enough to stay clean. I have a lot of shame around it (but hey, at least I'm balancing out our water usage?). Sometimes I will finally resolve myself to take a shower, and by the time I start to get up, I hear the water turn on and there he is. Showering. Or seeing him shower will make me want to, but he hasn't left any warm water for me. We used to shower together, which really helped me, but we haven't in ages because it's his "personal time."
I've talked to him about this before, numerous times. I'm sympathetic to his reasoning, so I fold every time we have this conversation.
(Edit: His reasoning is that he likes the warm water, he has back pain (which it helps), and that it is the most effective stress relief. We're both neurodivergent and struggle with daily tasks- I can't even hold down a job, so I don't feel comfortable telling him not to do the thing that helps him stay sane and able to work.)
It's getting into wintertime, and I know it will get worse again because every past year when he was cold the only thing that he said warmed him up was taking a hot shower. We got a heated blanket a while back, but he never seemed to use it to warm up, preferring showers.
I cannot imagine living for the rest of my life dealing with him taking 4 showers a day. This seems like such a stupid problem but I would appreciate any input people here have.
tl;dr: my husband takes up to 4 showers a day and doesn't seem to see a problem with it. I don't know how to get him to reduce the number of showers he takes or if I should just accept that this is how things are going to be.
edit: No, he is not beating his meat or watching porn in the shower. Well, sometimes he does, but he tells me when he does it. Also he's fine with me walking in and out, using the toilet while he's in there, or poking my head into the shower to say hi. I've caught him in the act once, and neither of us had any shame around it.
How do I know he isn't constantly watching porn in there? Because he goes in there and either I immediately hear tiktok audios blaring or he immediately starts responding to messages in groupchats we're in. Or I'll hear him randomly laughing. Sometimes he'll call me in to look at a funny tweet, or he'll read it aloud to me.
If he just preferred masturbating in the shower I would have less of a problem with it
second edit: He always loved showers, but it got "worse" during the pandemic. He did develop some germaphobia/obsessive behaviors besides the showering, but those have improved and the increased number of showers hasn't.
Submitted October 28, 2022 at 10:20PM by Unable_Worth8323 https://ift.tt/CL3frJ1
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