I (28F) am having a surgery called salpingectomy to remove the entirety of my Fallopian tubes. I am not seeking out any sort of medical advice or opinions. I just really don’t know how to tell my dad (48M) or if I should.
To make a long story short, I was in a car accident that destroyed the integrity of my hips, left leg, and a permanent limp in my right leg. I’ve got screws in my hip that are “protruding” into where the birth canal would be, and an accidental or intentional pregnancy would or could be catastrophic for myself and a baby. The accident has taken a lot from me, and I didn’t know it would be so dangerous for me to have children. No one told me until I spoke with my doctor about unrelated issues. It’s an added layer of trauma from that fateful night that’s entirely disappointing and infuriating. Another choice I didn’t get to make for myself. So with the consultation of my gynecologist and several therapy session, I’ve decided to go ahead with the surgery that’s scheduled in 2 weeks.
I have never wanted children, but I am sad the decision was forced upon me. I would have liked to of been able to be like “yeah, I’m doing this because I don’t want kids”, not because I don’t really have a choice anymore. Anyway, even prior to the accident, I told my dad I didn’t want kids. I have no desire for pregnancy or children. I’ve never looked at couples and babies and have been like I NEED that. I don’t really want it at all. My dad has always thought I’d changed my mind when I was married and older, and dismissed what I told him. I’ve TRIED to look at babies and make myself feel like I needed one. Other than experiencing cute aggression, I don’t feel the visceral feelings a lot of women do when they want a baby.
He thinks my value lies with how thin I am and if I can land a man. I’ve told him several times my weight does not concern him, neither does marital status. He asks when I’m going to get married and when I’m going to “give him grandchildren”. I’m an extremely independent woman, I don’t find the need to find my worth within being a wife and mother. I would be perfectly happy to never marry and spend my life how I please.
So how do I tell him that I will never carry my own biological children, and he will never have grandchildren from me? I fear he might actually disown me for this. He is HEAVILY conservative. Do I just not tell him? His reaction almost makes me not what to do it, but he has no control over my decisions about my body or health. I just have two younger siblings in middle and elementary school i don’t want to lose contact with. My therapist thinks it would give me some peace but I’m genuinely terrified of doing so, even when he lives in a completely different state. Can anyone give me some advice?
TL;DR; I’m having my Fallopian tubes removed for health and personal reasons. How do I tell my extremely conservative father?
Submitted October 23, 2022 at 10:59PM by PoppyWhale https://ift.tt/kgS4YK7
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