I love my girlfriend, I want to spend the rest of my life with her. The problem is, she resents me, and gets angry with me often. My only real issue with her, is her feelings towards me. She says she wants to spend her life with me too.
To be clear, I make mistakes, and fuck up, I forget to do things she's asked sometimes, or forget to do things around the house. One example is about three times a year I'll forget to put the bins out on bin night, and she get's extremely angry when I do. Another example is, at night when I come to bed, maybe 5 times a year I'll forget to lock the back door, and when she finds it unlocked in the morning she gets very upset. Sometimes I'll forget to do something specific that she asked me to do.
So yeah, I'm far from perfect, I'm forgetful and easily distracted. I'm almost certain I have ADHD. I try my best, and implement tools to try to stay on track and remember to do what I need to do, but I slip up. I don't want to go on medication.
She's really upset at me because yesterday I accidentally bumped our oven, didn't realise, and didn't correct it. I also had unlocked the door to her office (external to the house) to move something in there, but failed to shut the door and lock it when I left.
I think it's pretty fair to get upset about this sort of thing, but she never forgives me. All of these mistakes just continue to build and build in her mind until she resents me. And when I make a small mistake, she's not just mad about that, she's mad about all the mistakes I've ever made over the years.
When we fight, she's very angry, and I'm usually very calm and try to stay logical, but that upsets her. She doesn't want to hear me apologise, and she hates it when I tell her I'm trying, or that I'll try harder. She also hates it when I defend myself if I think she's being unfair. I'm not sure what she wants from me during these fights anymore, I can't apologise, or say I'll try to improve, but she also gets mad when I don't say anything, I'm just not sure what to say or do anymore.
So we just had a big fight, and I told her that it feels like she hates me sometimes, and asked her why she stays with me. I told her the only issue I have with her is how she feels towards me. She says she wants to go to therapy, which I'm willing to do, but it's not going to stop me from making mistakes like the ones I've talked about. I can't lie to her or to myself, I know I will continue to slip up.
She has mental health issues and struggles with certain aspects of life. She experienced a fair amount of childhood trauma. Working is really hard for her, but she does it as much as she can anyway and I'm always proud of her for that. She struggles with going to the supermarket, and with making phone calls, so I do that sort of thing for her. I drive her to work a few times a week. I try to help her with little things like that when she's struggling. I also own most of our house, we're paying it off together but I put forward the majority of the deposit. I think all of these things make it hard for her to leave me, and while she says I'm her favourite person, and she doesn't want to leave, I wonder if she would have left a long time ago if she was more independent. She says she wouldn't have.
I feel like I might be poorly representing her, but she really is a special and awesome person who can be very caring, and we have fun together. I love her, and she loves me too. But it's almost like black and white, it doesn't take much for her to flip when I make a mistake.
I'm about to leave for a long business trip, and if we were ever going to break up, this would be the perfect time. She would have more than a month with me gone, to figure out what she wants to do, where she wants to go etc. I don't want to leave her, and I feel like if I did it would be more for her than for me, which is super weird. I just don't see this getting any better, and she isn't happy with me.
Should I wait until I get back home and try out therapy, or should we end it before I leave?
tl;dr: I love my partner, and although she loves me too, frequently gets mad at me for making mistakes, no matter how hard I try.
Sorry, I can't seem to add a flair.
Submitted October 16, 2022 at 11:54PM by _absurd https://ift.tt/9wR8ldE
No comments:
Post a Comment