tl;dr Ex said that I gave up on the relationship too quick and he didn't love me. All I thought I did was take a walk and then tell him he couldn't take out his bad moods on me. Was I wrong?
Hey, so it's too late for this situationship but I'd love to see if in the future this is... normal? I'm going to try to be as objective as possible here but you are hearing my side of it so keep that in mind.
I had been seeing this guy for about 3 months. We were trying to move slow but fell for each other. He wanted to wait to officially date and all that but also about a month in he told me he loved me. I wasn't there yet but got there a bit later.
We had some issues regarding me being a planner and him doing things last minute but worked through it. I was feeling pretty good about us. Then, after a really good weekend, he got really angry about something.
We were texting and he mentioned wanting to do a special thing. I was all for it but told him that I wouldn't want to do all the planning. He got really mad about this telling me I made him feel guilty. I kept trying to explain that I hadn't meant it as an accusation but he kept going. In total, it was 5 hours of him berating me and me apologizing and asking how I could do better next time and him bowling over the questions to just tell me how I fucked up and was selfish and insecure.
The next night I went over and we fought some more and he kicked me out. I took my stuff from his place and left. On the way home, he texted me calling me dramatic and that he was blocking me so he could sleep.
The next morning, I assumed that we were over. That felt like a break up to me? So I started being like "hey ok I can pay you for the concert tickets we had cause I still want to go." And he started telling me that it wasn't a big deal and that arguments are healthy and he didn't mean it in a get out of his life kind of way. We talked for a bit more and though I was cautious, it felt like we reached level ground again?
So had a few good days and then the next week happened. I had plans to go to his place but was having a really bad day. I let him know just in case he wants to reschedule instead of having a mopey me in his bed. He says it's fine.
And for the first half of the night it really is. He's super sweet, gets us dinner, seems really happy I'm there, rubs my shoulders, we watch TV. Then suddenly something happens and he gets anxious. I ask him what's up but he doesn't respond. From context clues it either seems like it's work or his ex or both? But I wasn't sure. I tried to just sit and play games while he figured stuff out but he kept getting more and more worked up. I asked a few more times but he just said he didn't want to get into it.
So it's about 3 am and we're laying in bed, trying to sleep. I am high alert anxious and just can NOT sit still. I tell him I need to go for a quick walk. He says ok and gives me the front door key to his apartment. The walk helps and on the way back he checks in on me. And then... everything hits the fan. He tells me that he's not allowed to have emotions because it hurts me and all he needed was for me to sit there and do my thing and not cry. But "fuck him" right because he's not allowed to be anxious. And I just keep saying like "who is saying this? why do you feel like this?" I took a 20 minute walk and felt like it was an ok thing to do.
But he just got angrier and angrier. Eventually I just go back up to the apartment because I know he won't continue it in person and we go to sleep.
The next morning he tells me that something happened with his work schedule that got him stressed out and I try and get him to admit that he was harsh to me. But he doubled down.
I finally told him that I wasn't sure if we could work out because he gets mad at me over little things every time he's in a bad mood. And then he called me toxic, said it was over and to never contact him again.
He has a microphone of my friend's so I try and get that back from him through someone else and then find out I can text him on whatsapp. Maybe I shouldn't have but I said "listen this is the last text I'll send but just leave it at mutual friend's place please?"
So he says yes and oh by the way he doesn't love me, just to be clear.
Cool, ok. I let that lie there. Then that night he unblocks my phone number so he can send a huge text telling me a bunch of stuff that barely makes sense and also that I'm an egotistical female dog. He compares me to his exes and it's just... all very baseless from my perspective but I don't know. He said that you don't just give up on people you love.
Anyways, this felt like too much but maybe I gave up too quick? Should I have stuck this out? What could I have done different?
Submitted October 20, 2022 at 08:02AM by Awkward_Total_2632 https://ift.tt/iS0mRqC
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