**TW This happened a couple of hours ago but I’m still a little shaken up so sorry if this may be hard to follow.
My (19F) mom (52F) had an orchestra concert today, which she did amazing by the way. My dad (58M) showed up for the last 2-3 songs of the program, then we went to this new bar that popped up near our house.
Ever since I can remember, my dad and brother (23M) have made it a running joke to steal some of my food because they think its funny. I hate it because 1) I don’t want their hands in my food and 2) I don’t eat enough as is. This is one of the reasons why I have stuck to eating alone or at home for the last couple of years. Recently if i do eat with them, my brother pretends like he’s going to but only takes food I give him. My dad jokes about it but doesn’t usually sit close enough to take anything unless something reminds him.
I was explaining the plot of Les Miserables to my mom since she has yet to see it when our server dropped off my chicken alfredo. My parents ordered appetizers for dinner but we were still waiting on that. Like he always does, my dad reached for my food and tried taking some of it. Like I always do, I pushed his hand away. I don’t know how to describe my dad’s temper with anything other than bipolar and I mean absolutely no offense by saying that, that’s just how quickly and drastically his mood changes (I can guess he actually isn’t because my mom is a psychotherapist and would’ve diagnosed it within the 32 years they’ve been married). Him trying to take some of the noodles from my plate started playful but the more I pushed his hand away, the angrier he got. He started getting more forceful so I did too, and pushed his hand in the wrong direction that it knocked his cup all over the table. He immediately exploded at me, slapping me and yelling that I’m so selfish. I was kind of dumbfounded that he just hit me in public since it’s been a good year since the last time. My mom tried to deescalate the situation but he stopped listening to her so I stood up. He yelled at me to sit back down and I said no and grabbed my purse. He said that if I left then I’d better start looking for a new home cause I would no longer be welcome. I ignored him, told my mom I’d text her later and left.
When I got home, I packed up some of my stuff and then drove to a parking lot to call one of my friends to see if I could crash her couch for the night when she got off work. I’m on her couch right now lol
My mom has been texting me, initially telling me to come home and that he retired to his room so I just needed to go to my room but I told her I wasn’t comfortable with that, I would spend the night with my friend instead, and talk it out with them tomorrow. She was adamant I go home but I said no. Here is her text when she relented:
“Your dad doesn’t think he needs to respect your boundaries. In his defense, he thinks he’s just playing around with you. You’re both right & wrong.
In my opinion, he needs to be a much better respecter of boundaries & you need to learn how to be more playful. To summarize your dad’s problem: He wants to be playful with you & he gets twisted off when he can’t have fun with you. That’s the way your dad expresses his love for you & he gets very frustrated (looks like anger but it’s actually “hurt” from rejection) from being unable to be playful with you (loving on you)”
I’m honestly dreading the conversation waiting for me tomorrow. I don’t think I’m in the wrong for standing up for myself but I don’t trust my own opinion since I was part of the problem.
TL;DR I didn’t want to share my food with my dad and he blew up at me for it so I left.
What did I do wrong?
Submitted October 23, 2022 at 12:42AM by bearbey https://ift.tt/2tJgQrU
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