I guess I am here for advice and maybe just to vent. Maybe also to shed light to other people who maybe made or makes the same mistakes I did.
My beautiful partner of over 3 years has sadly passed away from an accident.
I was never the most loving partner as you can tell from my previous post. I found lovey dovey, touchy feely things very cringe and uncomfortable. Whenever my gf asked for more verbal affirmation I would do so for a day and revert back to my old ways. My argument for everything was ‘that isn’t who I am’ or ‘I didnt have this issue with my ex’s’ or even ‘I would never ask that of you’. I took her for granted. Took all her love letters, her acts of service, her cooking, her excessive hugs, cuddles, and kisses for granted.
I would get annoyed when shed kiss me or hug me whilst im doing something or wanted to do something else, i would make snarky or unfair comments when she was cooking in the kitchen and not doing things MY way, i would hardly respond to her tokens of love and gratitude. She would want to celebrate things like anniversary and i would always say ‘it Doesn’t mean much to me because i didnt have strong feelings for you then’.
What did she ask of me? Signs of commitment. Verbal affirmation. My attention. Never asked for anything big or fancy, never asked for flowers, never asked for anything beyond a love letter, signs that i am choosing her for the long haul. Asked me to maybe cook or manage things around the house more while she was stressed with her own work and I could barely even manage that because I’ve always been too absorbed in mine. I prioritised my own work. My head has been so absorbed in myself: my work, my feelings, my wants - I never considered hers Because I took her for granted. I knew shed be there waiting for me anyway.
Even in sex, she never cared about actually finishing but just enjoyed having my attention and presence. And i would hardly have sex with her when i was stressed or in my head and would just w**k to get it out of my system.
Whenever we talked of marriage, I always said ’i never think about marriage or engagement. It doesn’t mean much to me’ - truth was, without a stable 9-5 I couldn’t imagine myself getting engaged and taking that step. She wasn’t asking to marry me now, she just wanted to know how we can strengthen our relationship in preparation for marriage, what can we do to show we are both commited for each other and I always said nothing/I dont know/I dont care…
Now with her gone, I have never felt more ready and committed to marry my dream girl.
I would give anything now to hear her cringy love letters read to me, her speeches, her laugh, dance with her (I never would and now I wish I had), to give her a million kisses, cuddle, and hear her voice. I want to give her all my attention now - every ounce of it, put my phone away and actually enjoy a conversation with her, laughing at her silly jokes, instead of spending it scrolling through instagram. F**k.
If you have someone that loves you unconditionally, dont take them for granted. Love and cherish them. They’re hard to come by. Protect them And their heart.
TLDR: my girlfriend passed away and i regret waiting to fix up and give our relationship effort and attention. And now I never can. So if you have someone and love them, love them NOW. Don’t wait till you find time.
Submitted August 17, 2022 at 05:34AM by Alooligan https://ift.tt/8rtnl2V
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