My boyfriend (m25) and I (f24) disagree on whether or not to leave our (future) children alone with his abusive parents. I say no for safety, thoughts?

For context, we’ve been dating 8 years and I am now thinking toward the future what our lives would be like etc. since we’ve been talking about getting engaged in the next couple years. This prompted questions from me like how we’d manage finances, living arrangements, life plans etc.

We agree seemingly on a lot of the big stuff, however I said I would not be willing to leave my/our (potential) children with his parents unattended, for any amount of time. At all. Both of his parents are abusive, dad physically and emotionally and mom mostly emotionally and enabled his dad’s abuse.

As a result of the abuse I’ve watched for the past several years, among other lack of boundaries, I don’t feel comfortable leaving children with people who have a history of abuse. I do not feel like I am asking for too much, he says I am and can’t make that kind of commitment now and would make a judgment call in the situation. He says they wouldn’t do that to their grandchildren.

He also said he would absolutely not allow our children to have sleepovers bc of other people, but his parents are family so that’s somehow different.

I feel as if there is no judgement to make. They can obviously be part of the children’s lives, but I wouldn’t let them stay the night or be babysitters.

This is something I’m not willing to budge on, and would never forgive myself if something happened, but want to know if my feelings are valid

TLDR; boyfriend thinks his abusive parents would not abuse our children and would be safe to leave them alone together. I could never leave children with people having a history of abuse and am not willing to budge. Are my feelings valid?

Edit: also want to add that from the outside they are very nice, well-off people

Edit 2: he has been in therapy for a few years but still processing everything family wise

Submitted August 14, 2022 at 01:35PM by cozyslippers22 https://ift.tt/4eKBlES