My boyfriend's ex, who he has not had direct contact with in years, sent him a text 4 days ago wanting to talk and said she had bad news. Turns out she recently developed seizures and they found a brain tumor, although they don't know what type or her prognosis yet. She apparently is back home with her parents (she had been living out of state) and I would think she has a decent support system in place although understandably seems very scared.
For some context, we all lived in the same city about 6 years ago, and there was romantic interest on my boyfriend's part in both this ex and me at that time. He ended up choosing her, I moved on, then they later broke up, and then BF and I ended up talking again and got together. We have now been together almost 4 years, moved abroad together, bought a house together, and are talking about maybe trying for kids soon. Currently, our relationship is solid and I have no doubts about it. However, when we first got together I was particularly sensitive about this specific ex given the circumstances under which everything started. We had a lot of talks about our feelings and insecurities, worked through it, and are very much better for it. They had broken up on good terms but we agreed at that time that it was better for him to cut pretty much all contact with her, which he did.
I'm struggling with how to deal with this situation with this brain tumor. I am trying to support my boyfriend as he is upset about his ex, who is a good person that he wouldn't wish anything bad for. And I know she's probably terrified and reaching out for any support she can find. But also think that it's not really his place to have a big part in her support system, and inappropriate for her to ask that of him. They've spent several hours on the phone over the last few days. He's been coming to bed late (time difference as we live abroad) and has missed plans we had because he was talking to her. If it matters, as far as he knows she is single right now.
My boyfriend also had a close friend who died of a brain tumor at a young age (early 20s) and is especially sensitive about things like this. He even mentioned to me that this conversation with his ex reminded him of finding out about his old friend's diagnosis years ago.
I just hate seeing my boyfriend upset and resent her a bit for bringing him into this. However now that he knows he wants to be able to help, and I support him supporting her, but don't want it to bring undue burden on our relationship. It's already affected us even after a few days.
He stressed multiple times while we've talked about this that I was the most important person in his life, that he loves me, etc, and is aware of the fact that this could be a touchy area for me. I think I have moved past the sensitivity had specifically about this ex in the past, although this is also bothering me more than I'd like. I don't want to feel like I'm second priority, but also don't want to be an asshole with a really tragic situation.
Any advice on how to best support my boyfriend through this without becoming resentful? Am I selfish for not wanting us to become deeply involved in this situation? At this point I am not sure how any of this is going to go, but it's such a complicated and sensitive situation and I'm not sure where to go from here. Should I just try to wait and see how it plays out?
TLDR - Boyfriend's ex has newly diagnosed brain tumor and reached out to him for support, which I think was inappropriate. I want to support him, but also don't want it to cause stress or resentment. What should I do?
Submitted August 20, 2022 at 10:48PM by throwaway891012345 https://ift.tt/Cn9NqSb
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