F(32) needing help falling back in love with my Husband (29) after 5 out of 7 years of him being mean.

I want to love him, and a part of me deep down still does. But he is just now realizing how mean he has been to me for the past 5 years, and I guess I am too.

It's never been intentional to hurt me, just things you shouldn't say to your wife. For example, I pole dance (I'm pretty good now, but 4 years ago I wasn't lol) and I'd come home from class with a video and I was super excited to show him and he would look really uncomfortable until one day he finally said "Sorry, I just don't really care about that kind of thing".

Most of the things he has said that hurt me are in that same realm where he is showing blatant disinterest in me and I kinda just turned around and said, well- I love myself so if he doesn't love this part of me, that's ok and I should just get over it (I didn't). These things were infrequent, but really hurtful and I chose my battles. Getting him to help me wash dishes after I would cook a meal was like a 3 year ordeal with him saying I make a huge mess (not a lie) and he shouldn't be forced to clean up when he didn't choose to make the mess. Which.. understandable, but you're being a dick because that food was FIRE.

He has changed. He is thinking before he speaks, and actively trying to be more kind and loving. But we are just now arriving at a place where he is starting to see the hurt he has caused and he is apologizing as things come up. P.S. he is really depressed and his self confidence is shot because he felt like I was going to leave for a year. (Which I was and still am thinking about). He might be kinda a dick but he is a good person. I very seriously think he has a mild Asperger's because he can't read emotions sometimes.

Right now, I'm trying to figure out if I can forgive him and fall back in love with him, because I'm pretty numb right now. I've cried so hard and so much that I've grieved our relationship and I'm willing to start over. But he has changed and he is actively working on expressing his love for me and it's slowly starting to feel like he really does want me.

So I need help in ways I give him a better chance at repairing us. Any tips on helping me love him passionately again would be really helpful.

**Yes, we did do therapy and it got us through the worst part, but it's too expensive for us to continue.

Also, please don't tell me to leave. If that's your advice, please keep it to yourself. That's a very personal decision and its not the question I'm asking.

TLDR: Husband has been mean for like 5 years. (Lack of affection, kinda selfish etc). He has changed and he is kinder to me and working on things.. but idk if my love is gone or if I'm just numb and it will come back. Looking for advice on how to bring out the love (assuming it's there).

Submitted August 19, 2022 at 03:34PM by Apatow_Powers99 https://ift.tt/nYxd5mL