I've been with my boyfriend for almost six months now and we have, for the most part, a very happy relationship. That said, sometimes his actions cause me concern -- like I'm gaining a glimpse into what he may treat me like down the road. Given I am serious about having children, I want to cut my losses now if these are ultimately dealbreakers, but I'm curious to hear Reddit's opinion. Some instances for context:
- If he doesn't like someone's company, he tells me, even if its my friends/family
- He occasionally snaps at me or "gets mean," seemingly out-of-the-blue -- we were waiting to get off a flight recently and I made some offhand, innocent remark only to be greeted with "Don't talk to me right now." from him in a very short, angry tone.
- He's generally harsh/critical about things - his coworkers, his family, other people, etc. If he feels that I'm acting "out of it" or absent-minded he's very quick to snap at me (I work in a high-stress industry that offers near constant stimulation, so I can be spacey as a subconscious defense mechanism)
- He is sometimes a little too physically aggressive - and this could be choked up to growing up with sisters while I grew up an only child - but sometimes he'll playfully hit, pinch, or spank me in a way that I feel is too much. I'll say "ow, don't do that!" in the moment but haven't seriously confronted him as these instances are pretty few and far between
- He nicknamed his sister "Fat Face Cara" which I find to be mean, though they are quite close and do seem to have the kind of relationship where they roast each other often (and as an only child I'm often shocked at the way siblings speak to each other)
- He is sometimes mean to me around other people - he jokingly called me 'annoying' at a party with my friends and very sternly corrected me about something while we were on a double date
- He called me talking about my period to him "gross" (but of course he was "kidding")
That said, I'd also like to point out the flip side of the coin so you can understand why this is so confusing:
- He is constantly remarking on how smart I am and how attractive he finds me
- He is very generous, financially and otherwise, and very contentious of my needs
- We are very sexually and physically compatible
- He's reliable, dependable, and faithful (to my knowledge, of course -- reddit has convinced me that you can't truly trust anyone.)
- We are very aligned from a lifestyle and future perspective
Some theories I have -- IF we feel his behavior can be adjusted:
- He's high-strung and a planner -- as I mentioned, I skew toward a Type B personality and am content being the more submissive one in my romantic relationships. That said, I wonder if I could step it up more when we travel, etc. by planning more or at least acknowledging that I am following his plan? Perhaps he gets irritable when he feels like he's handling everything on his own, which I understand. We travel a lot together, and he's mentioned a few times that he wants us to act like "more of a team."
- He works in a very stressful industry and perhaps lashes out because of it?
- He's oddly suspicious about me cheating on him -- when I did confront him about his nastiness on the plane, he told me it's because I have an album on my phone of naked photos that I "probably send to other guys." (I don't - scales are triggering to me so I take very unsexy nudes to track my weight.) Additionally, I made a joke on a road trip about a former hookup texting me that morning and he gave me the silent treatment for about a half hour. Not exactly a pillar of conflict resolution, this one.
- My parents and extended family are all very verbally affectionate to one another -- I know that he didn't speak to his dad for years and has a very limited relationship with two of his siblings, so I wonder if he's just used to a different modus operandi. Something happened between his parents that triggered this - my guess is infidelity followed by the siblings taking one "side" or the other.
- We both have dark senses of humor and I've been known to go too far at times. While I really appreciate this about our relationship I wonder if we need a code word for when the other is not in a joking mood or doesn't find the subject matter amusing?
When I think about it, we don't really fight when we're at dinner or just cuddling on the couch, which makes me wonder if his behavior is anxiety related. But then again, he's a grown man and I can't be in charge of his emotions or the way he handles things. Last but not least, I would like to point out that I do feel very safe around him and trust him deeply. While I'm aware that by virtue of being an attractive, relatively successful girl in her 20s I will likely be able to find this with others, I would really like to make it work if possible. Any advice is greatly appreciated. :)
TLDR; my loving boyfriend has some mean and dismissive qualities that are become cause for concern
Submitted August 22, 2022 at 06:07PM by MalPow91 https://ift.tt/pWJKqtl
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