Not sure how to forgive my (50F) daughter (22F) after she infected us all with covid due to her negligence. I feel like this is the last straw and I am not sure how our relationship can ever recover.

And I mean last straw in that this is a build up of issues and tensions between us since she was a teenager. She was always a bit of a rebellious teen and I wasn't a strict parent or anything but I did try to reel her in a bit, but even the slightest bit of disapproval of anything she did caused her to become incredibly volatile and furious at us, specifically me. I think part of it was her childhood friends were going down that road and she followed them a lot. We chopped it up to a rebellious phase, but it really didn't end there. She did drugs (nothing too crazy or serious), drank, partied, dated a lot of bad people, her grades dropped, got fired from every job she has ever had, joined a metal band which had her partying every night, she went to community college and nearly dropped out. At every attempt of us helping her she has been resistant at best, hostile at worst. Again, we weren't strict parents, it wasn't as if we were grounding her left and right and making her life hell. She just seemed almost destined to lash out and be rebellious. And some part of me just cant stand it. I am fine with the punk/metal stuff, the partying, all of that, I used to be a crazy partyer too. I am just not fine with the way she treats us, the way she thinks of us as the enemy. She's made me cry more times than I can count because of the things she says, the way she treat us. We've tried to get her to therapy, and she always refuses, or lies to us about going and then we find out she never went.

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This year, its all hit a boiling point. She continued to go hang out with friends inside their homes or at underground parties and would get furious at us for recommending that she be safe. Back in july she had symptoms and we were practically crying at her to go get tested and she absolutely refused and was just vile at us and it turned out it was allergies to dust. She had her boyfriend over in the front stoop (they hang out there a lot), and me and my husband both heard him coughing up a storm, and we insisted that she not meet up with him. She got mad at us, again. She agreed not to meet with him, but apparently ended up doing it anyways and didn't tell us, and we found out two days later. I want to point out that her sister is 24 (also lives at home, albeit in the downstairs apartment) and has type 1 diabetes, and her father has high blood pressure, so she knew that we were vulnerable. We all got sick. My husband, son, other daughter, her. That was about 50-60 days ago, and my husband was hospitalized and nearly died, and her sister got incredibly sick as well. Since then, both have barely recovered, with chest pain, difficulty breathing etc still being an issue.

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I am just filled with nothing but disgust at her. She hasn't really apologized except for pretty superficial apologies. I can tell she feels bad, but she hasn't been open about it, hasn't REALLY apologized in that sense. I think she is too prideful, she always has been, I have never really heard her apologize to us, over really anything.

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I feel confused, angry, disgusted. I cant believe I feel all of this stuff about my own daughter. But this is SO terrible, I mean for fucks sake, she nearly killed her own father and sister.

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How am I ever supposed to forgive her? How are WE ever supposed to forgive her? My husband wont admit it but he seems to feel the same way. Is this just the last straw, is there no turning back? Is it so horrible to just never attempt to salvage a relationship with your own daughter, even if she has been so horrible to you? I feel like the worst mother in the world right now but I cant even look at her right now without feeling rageful. She has barely spoken any words to us at all since we all got sick.

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TL;DR - - daughter infected us all with covid due to negligence and I am not sure how to ever forgive her.

Submitted January 03, 2021 at 10:37PM by kemolemo1357 https://ift.tt/3pMkjBs