My(M46) wife’s(F43) not sure what an orgasm is. I’m devastated at the moment. My chest is tightening, hands are shaking. I’m forcing myself to do deep breathing, might be having a panic attack.
We had a great night last night, lots of fun, a fair bit of drinking (I wasn’t too drunk, she was a bit more than me, but no one slurring, etc). After the kids went off to bed, we starting getting down to it. As usual I spent some time (about 10-15 min) trying to get her worked up with lots of kissing, giving and receiving oral etc. Usually when she’s excited enough she’ll indicate it’s time for me to put it in, and although I don’t have the best stamina for PIV, I’m not a 2-pump chump either, somewhere between 5-10 minutes, unless I try to make it a long session, by switching positions, or going back to oral etc. Last night, both being drunk, and the position feeling so good was a short session. We also use toys about half the time, and have an impressive variety, but didn’t use any last night.
She was clearly enjoying herself and was vocal but I didn’t notice the usual rapid trembles I feel which I’ve always interpreted as an orgasm. So I asked her if she had an orgasm because it seemed maybe I came too quickly. She said she’s not sure what an orgasm is. 20 years (almost) of sexual history has come crashing down on me. I tried to get her to clarify, and she described how in fictional stories she reads the women “black out” and/or “white out” etc. Now I’m willing to accept that I may never have given her an Earth shattering orgasm despite my best efforts, but I was certain that I have given her multiple usual orgasms many many times over the years. The natural lube she generated, the way her body sometimes became rigid before relaxing, her vagina and/or muscles rapidly contracting all indicated to me as such. I really don’t think she has the type of personality to fake all this for 20 years.
I’ve been seeing a therapist for the last year because of my insecurities and she has been amazingly supportive. Our sex life has never been better, in terms of quality, and there has been an uptick in the quantity as well. In fact I would say that lockdown has made us closer than ever before, which has led to greater emotional bonding and we have just started exploring anal sex, taking it very slow, but at least we have started. This was something I’ve wanted to do for many years, and would bring up occasionally, but was denied until recently, so her statement of not being sure what an orgasm is came out of the blue. When I started asking more questions, and her being very mindful of my insecurities, she reassured me she enjoys having sex with me and always has a great time, and feels good. When needed she’ll give me instructions in bed saying do this or that to enhance her own pleasure.
I asked if she has had an orgasm when she has masturbated and she said she stops once she’s had enough (not a very clear answer), but I could see she was regretting saying what she did because of the affect it might have on me, so I stopped asking questions, as I don’t want her to lie to me about things in the future, I’d rather know things so I can work on fixing them.
But I feel like a failure, less of a man. I’m on the verge of tears. She’s asleep right now, but when she wakes up I have to act all cheerful and hide all of this because I know if I react badly (seem depressed etc) she won’t be as honest. Can someone have on orgasm and not recognise it? It’s a very thin idea to be hanging my hopes but I’ve got nothing else. Advise please.
TL;DR - I thought I was a thoughtful and generous lover, but after sex my wife is not sure she's ever had an orgasm, and I'm devastated, but have to hide my emotions.
Submitted January 22, 2021 at 03:50PM by ThrowRA_Wifenocum https://ift.tt/3qHOjic
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