I’m (29F) in a relationship with someone (37M) I absolutely loathe. When we first got together he seemed like the nicest, most caring and attentive man. He cooked me breakfast and always cared about and remembered what I would talk about with him. Like, the man remembers even the smallest details about my life. I thought this meant he cared. Last June we hit a rough patch in our relationship. The pandemic forced us to be around each other 24/7. We argued everyday and I said awful things. In what I assume was retaliation, he physically abused me a few times towards the end of the month. Then he texted his ex girlfriend, booked a hotel room and cheated on me for three days straight. I was devastated and furious. We broke it off. Two months ago we got back together and decided we both loved each other and wanted to give it a second try. We said what we would change and do better and I believed things would be okay. Now I’m dealing with trust issues that are driving me insane. Every thing he says seems like a lie to me. Every time I’m not around him I assume he’s talking to his ex. I’m starting to think that getting back together was a bad decision and that I just wasn’t ready. He broke my trust and my heart when he cheated and I will probably never be able to forgive him. I don’t want him around me and I can’t stand to even look at him. When he spoons me at night I wonder if that’s how him and his ex spooned in that hotel room. I’m absolutely miserable but the thought of him not being in my life makes me just as miserable. In the back of my mind I know that I need to end things and move on but I’m a selfish person. I’d rather have him around and be miserable than watch him go back to her. Basically, relationships and love are dumb. Thanks for coming to my TED talk.
tl;dr My boyfriend cheated and physically abused me, I’m dumb and took him back and now I’m miserable and dying inside
Submitted January 24, 2021 at 05:02PM by hammertime1289 https://ift.tt/3iKZLqo
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