My (36F) husband (29M) and I donated our eggs and sperm to my infertile brother (35M) and his wife (35F) years ago to conceive via IVF. They've now asked us to do it again, and when we refused they cut us out of their life. My husband and sister-in-law are also siblings.

My (36F) and I husband (29M) have been married for five years. My brother (35M) and his wife (35F) have been married for nearly fifteen. My husband are my sister-in-law are also siblings. My husband and I met at our siblings' wedding.

My brother and his wife, after fertility treatment, and multiple rounds of IVF were unable still unable to conceive after their first child was born, my niece (14F). Eleven years ago, my brother asked me to 'donate' my eggs to his wife, and they used my husband's sperm (who at the time was my brother's brother-in-law and a near stranger to me). My sister-in-in-law and husband have no other siblings.

I was extremely uncomfortable with it, but after major major pressure from my parents and brother, I reluctantly agreed (we have two other brothers, both were already married with children, and my brothers and sister-in-laws refused to donate sperm, as is there right). The egg retrieval process was not pleasant, we did two rounds of egg retrieval. To this day, I question why I didn't put the pressure back on my dad to donate his own sperm or something.

Through donated sperm and eggs, my brother and his wife were able to have a beautiful boy via IVF. The agreement followed that the remaining embryos discarded and the remaining unfertilized eggs remained 'mine'. (At the time I wasn't sure when I would have children, and honestly it is nice to have the 'insurance' of frozen eggs). My nephew is eight years old

My husband and I kind of bonded over the unexpected trauma and loss that comes with being a biological parent, to a child you still have to see often. We ended up dating, getting married. We've been blessed with four children of our own in five years, we now have another on the way. It's still pretty difficult at times for me to see my nephew , as selfish as that sounds, knowing he is biologically full siblings with my own children. I try my best not to let it get to me.

In March, my brother and sister-in-law requested that I allow them to use the remainder of my frozen eggs to conceive another child, or go through the egg retrieval process again. They want another child that is biologically related to them. My answer was absolutely not. My husband had a similar reaction.

My sister-in-law began to treat me like a pariah at all social gatherings (until April, when lockdown began). She accused me of being a "selfish breeder," and it's broken down the relationship between our two families. At the end of the day, my niece and nephew are still (double) cousins, of my children. They share the same sets of grandparents, and I miss my brother like hell. My sister-in-law was my closest friend before all of this, and I can't imagine she actually hates me.

I'm aware infertility is an extremely difficult thing, but I refuse to bend on this. It's taken years of therapy to learn to cope with the 'loss' getting to raise a 'son' that was never mine. Donating my eggs to them is still the biggest regret of my life, and I know my husband has similar thoughts. We wouldn't change it now, because it's why we fell in love and why our own children exist, but it's still really hard.

I have absolutely no idea how to approach rebuilding a relationship with my brother and his wife. I've tried to reach out, but since July they've just entirely ignored my efforts. It's very awkward, as literally live side by side in the same cul-de-sac. They have also now kept my niece and nephew from seeing their cousins through the fence in the backyard.

Nothing I seem to say or do seems to help, and now I've just started giving them their space. I'm wondering if the best thing to do is just continue to ignore each other, as we have been for several months, or to suggest we attempt to facilitate conversation through a third party like a mental health professional? Do you think I would be invasive/pushy to insist on talking to them again, and opening that line of communication?

TLDR; My brother and I are married to siblings. Me to my husband, my brother to his wife. My brother and sister-in-law struggled with infertility, so I donated eggs and my husband donated sperm and via IVF my brother and his wife had a baby (this occured before my husband and I were together). My husband and I then got married and had four children, life went on. Although hard to see my biological son who is my nephew, I've tried to recover. My brother and his wife recently asked my husband and I to again donate respective gametes for them to have another baby. Husband and I said 'hell no,' now my brother and sister-in-law hate us, and want nothing to do with us. Not sure how to precede with opening up contact?

Submitted December 31, 2020 at 09:51PM by republicofdoyle https://ift.tt/3o7r4gu