Throwaway because my husband knows my username.
I have hesitated to bring this up because on paper it sounds really stupid.
Before she was born people had told me stories of men getting jealous of their wives giving so much attention to the baby. I never thought it would be the other way around.
Our daughter is 1.5 years old, our only child so far, and both my husband and I love her to pieces. However, since being born, she has become my husband’s entire identity. In a way it’s really sweet, but it’s gotten to the point where she all he ever thinks or talks about. In the year and a half since she’s been born, we have not left the house together, just he and I. Not once. Whenever I have suggested that we go anywhere without her and leave her with her grandparents for a little bit, he looks at me like Im insane, and will usually say something like “why would you want to go anywhere without her? I would just be missing her the entire time wishing she was there.” I mean, I love her too, but I also miss spending time with my husband. I don’t think that feeling is reciprocated.
Even when we are hanging out and having a conversation after she’s gone to bed, he will almost always steer the conversation back to our daughter and wonder if she’s too hot, too cold, talk about everything she did that day. He will scroll through her photos and videos until it’s time for us to go to sleep, and will constantly say things like “she’s my everything” or “she’s the only thing that matters to me.” Normally the sentiment would seem cute at face value, but this actually seems to be literal with him. It’s almost like if I dare to want to have a conversation or to do something that doesn’t revolve around her, he thinks I’m being selfish. I don’t think he really sees me as anything more than “our daughter’s mom” anymore. I feel like I’m losing my partner and best friend. He’s become a judgemental helicopter dad.
I have even noticed that when he talks to his friends, she is all he talks about. At this point i’m sure they’re tired of it too.
One thing to know is that during my pregnancy, he developed an alcohol addiction because he was so stressed out about becoming a father (lots of childhood stuff to unpack there). It all culminated into him having to go seek help and not being there for the first three weeks of my daughter’s life. He’s been sober ever since, but this affected him very deeply, in that he’s had to deal with immense shame and guilt for missing those first few weeks. Because of that I kind of understood his zealousness at first because I knew he was trying to make up for lost time and to prove his devotion. But it’s been 18 months since, and he’s still as over the top as ever.
How do I get him to take a step back? I don’t know how to tell him “I’m feeling a bit neglected because of your obsession with our daughter” without sounding insane or like I’m being immature and jealous of a baby.
TLDR: husband has made his entire identity about being a father at the expense of our relationship. He does not see the value in spending time with me apart from our daughter. At first I thought he was making up for missing the first three weeks of her life, but his zealousness has not let up at all in the 18 months since she’s been born. I don’t know how to make it stop.
Submitted January 25, 2021 at 07:39PM by dooda_chacha https://ift.tt/3a7Bbfs
No comments:
Post a Comment