My (27f) boyfriend (29M) is possessive of all the food in the house and I'm not really sure how to deal with it.

My boyfriend grew up in not the best financial situation, he was raised by a single mother and was one of 5 kids. I know food and money were tight sometimes, so I want to start by saying I get the reason for some of his issues.

Since we have moved in together I've found out that he's very possessive of all the food in the house. His food is his food, and even though sometimes he says it's ok for me to have some it seems like he doesn't really feel that way. For example, if we buy a box of cereal, he gets really upset if he is not the one to open it and have the first bowl, but seems to be ok with it if I eat some after it's already open. But he also gets really upset if I have the last bowl.

We have already reached the point where we don't go grocery shopping together, we make 2 trips. The unfortunate part is that we don't make a ton of money so we don't really have enough money to buy two of everything - like 2 cartons of milk, 2 loaves of bread, etc. so that he can have his own of everything. Sometimes our essentials overlap. I got yelled at again today because I went to go get some ice cream which I thought was both of ours, but apparently it's just his. I asked him yesterday if I could have some and he said yes, so that's why I thought it was for both of us, but today he said that if he tells me I can have ice cream once it doesn't mean I can eat all of it.

I have suggested therapy for him but he won't go, using our financial situation to justify it (we are not struggling but we don't really have any money for 'extra' stuff after we pay all our bills since we are both getting less hours due to the ways our jobs have changed bc of COVID). I also get the impression that he just doesn't want to go/doesn't like the idea.

I'm getting tired of feeling like I'm about to trip a landmine every time I need to go in the kitchen and get something to eat. It's exhausting and honestly I've skipped a few meals lately because I just don't want to deal with it. We have been together 3 years, lived together for about 6 months now and talking about marriage, but as someone who grew up in a family where we made one grocery trip for all of us and shared everything, this has been a hard adjustment. I'm not sure I want to raise kids in a situation where they never know what they can eat in their own kitchen.

Would I be a complete jerk if I gave him an ultimatum that he has to go to therapy to sort this out or I'm leaving? I don't want to leave as I do really love him, and this is really the only issue we've ever had. I don't want to abandon him for an issue he developed from growing up in a bad situation, it's not his fault. I just don't know how much longer I can deal with the food thing. Does anyone have experience with trying to make a relationship work with someone who has these types of issues?

TL;DR: Boyfriend has a problem sharing food even though we are in the same household and I'm having a hard time dealing with it.

Submitted January 23, 2021 at 06:21PM by foodaggression https://ift.tt/3sUetA7