My [27 F] sister [22 F] is a NEET by choice and I’m concerned about her. She cut me out of her life and now it’s affecting my relationship with my parents and my emotions.

My sister [22 F] graduated high school when she was 17. She now lives with my parents. I live with my boyfriend in another state. My parents are in their 50s. My sister is about to turn 23 in July of this year and as every year passes, I grow more concerned for her well being and for my family’s well being.

My sister spends all her time in her room and even pre COVID, she would rarely go out to attend errands or go to restaurants with my parents. She has never had a job and does not have a drivers license. She has always been more on the introverted side but was happy and active in high school with a group of friends and was involved in school sports. Now, her daily schedule is concerning as she stays up all night and sleeps during the day. At night, to pass the time she watches twitch, plays video games, makes digital art, and uses Twitter. I’ve recently found out from my grandmother that my mom is paying my sister for her help around the house with laundry, cooking, etc. As my mom works as an executive at a healthcare tech company, her schedule is demanding.

My sister has never been diagnosed with a mental, developmental, or physical disorder. She is not impaired in any way emotionally, mentally, or physically. I’m aware people can have these disorders or challenges and still live a full life, but I wanted to clarify there are no glaring background details unexplained.

My parents offered her to go to art school anywhere in the country she wants and pay for it in full. She has all the opportunities and financial assistance she could need but does not seem to be interested in it taking it. When I have brought this up to her or my mom or dad with concern, they have shut it down with denial or accusing me of being judgmental or harsh. My grandmother is concerned as well and when she has brought it up to my parents, they have the same reaction. Because of this, we have dropped the issue. However, given the elephant in the room, I have grown uncomfortable and felt distant from my family. I feel like the dynamic is very uncomfortable especially when I visit as everyone notices that my parents treat her very differently than an adult her age and seem to tiptoe around her. She doesn’t really call or talk to anyone who visits, even family. She prefers to take meals in her room and sneak out out of situations to get out of socializing. When my grandpa had a stroke last year, I found out she didn’t even call him after to check on him. My grandparents used to be upset as they would call her and she would never answer. Or they would travel across the country for Christmas and she would barely speak to them but they have given up as well.

After years of keeping in my concern for her, in May of last year, I opened up to her and let her know I was worried and that I wasn’t judging her for being introverted but that plenty of introverted people have a job or pursue education or lead a normal schedule. They can have passions and hobbies too. I let her know I love her and I was coming from a place of care because I wanted her to be fulfilled and take steps toward adulthood. She doesn’t have to follow any prescribed path, but doing something like taking a class or getting her first job or even making friends could be good for her. I told her I would do anything to help even offering our spare bedroom in our house to her for free in case she wanted to spend some time away from living in our parents house for a bit.

This was well received at first but then later she stopped responding to my texts. I decided to give her space. Months went by and then July rolled around. I texted her happy birthday she said thank you with some cute emojis. I called her and no response. I tried again a few weeks later and kept texting her. She ignored it. It was August when I told my mom she hadn’t spoken to me since May and that I needed her to just tell me what was going on. My mom said she would have her answer me.

My sister sent me a long text message saying that we’re two different people and that I’m selfish and don’t know how to give in a relationship. She said I just know how to take and I need to grow up. She said I was toxic and abusive and she needed to cut me out of her life to protect her mental health. She said maybe in the future when we both mature then we can be friends again.

I was shocked as I’ve never heard her talk like this and it came out of nowhere. I freaked out and called my mom and she said she was really upset at this and that she would try to talk to her and that we would work it out as a family. She encouraged me to send my sister my love so I took some time and sent her a very carefully worded message saying that was not my intention to upset her. I told her I loved her and would respect her need for space and give it to her. I said if she needed anything she could reach out to me. I have not spoken to my sister since August and we haven’t been on great terms since our initial fight in May.

It’s beginning to affect my relationship with my parents as when I speak to them I’m reminded of how they played into this dynamic by denying she might need help or assistance. Maybe she is depressed maybe she went through a traumatic event or maybe she is just lazy. Whatever the case, they have not admitted that something concerning is going on. They just act like this is her personality. I was not treated like this at all and in fact my parents were much, much tougher on me.

I will speak to my parents - I don’t ignore them but I know if the roles were reversed, they would be furious with me. But instead, my mom just periodically updates me to say she asked my sister if she would be open to talking to me and that my sister is still not at that point. My mom recently expressed she’s sad because I’ve been distant. I’m exhausted with the family dynamic and just need a break from it all.

Sorry for the long post.

TL;DR my sister is an adult NEET (not seeking employment education or training) by choice. I am worried but her and my parents deny there is anything to be concerned about. I approached my sister with concern and she cut me out of her life and said I was toxic. I’m mad/sad about it and feel distant from my family as I need a break from the unhealthy dynamic.

Submitted January 22, 2021 at 07:49PM by cleoandevie https://ift.tt/3c5fa3x