For full context of this, we need to rewind 1 year to December 2019. My wife (40F) and son (4 y/o M) went to say goodbye to my grandfather who was in the process of dying (not related to COVID-19). In the midst of that, my wife had a brief conversation with my mother, made a nervous laugh because of my mom's response and my mom unloaded on her. Screamed at her for a solid 3 minutes. My wife told me that she and my son were going to leave, and I was going to leave with them but my wife insisted that I stay so I could spend some time with my grandpa since it was the last time I was going to see him. As I walked them out and said bye, my mom and dad come out, my mom heated screaming in the driveway of my grandparents house "WHERE THE FUCK IS SHE GOING? I WAS COMING TO APOLOGIZE." I explained why they were leaving and it turned into a huge fight between the two of us. During this fight, my mother said "well I'm so sorry you had such a shitty childhood. I never wanted you and I never should have had you." The fight continued without any resolution. I spent more time with my grandpa then left.
My grandpa would die about 2 weeks later. I went to the funeral and spent very little time talking to her, despite the fact that I was seated next to her. I had little to no contact with her after this. I still maintained a relationship with my step-dad, but not much. His constant complaint about me was that I never reached out to him. One night while I was at work I sent him a long message about what I've been dealing with at work (I'm a paramedic) and he didn't reply at all. This continued until his birthday when I sent him a happy birthday message. He responded to me 2 days later. I didn't say anything to them on Thanksgiving and received a passive aggressive "No call home on holiday what up with that Happy Thanksgiving" text. I decided not to reply because I didn't want to deal with the passive aggressive bullshit fight. I didn't send my mom a text on her birthday nor a Christmas call. I
On to today. My mom calls me, I'm in the midst of building something for my son so I send it to voice mail. She says "Hi 14inthehand you need to call me today." About an hour later my step dad calls me. I again send it to voice mail as I'm eating lunch with my wife and kid. He texts me and I'm texting him back when he calls me again. I pick up this time. He says "hey whats up? Mom called you to say hi" to which I immediately say "no she didn't, so don't fucking lie to me." My step dad attempts to try and broker a peace to which I say "she told me that she never wanted me and never should have had me. Until she takes responsibility for that, any conversation is a non starter for me." He says well people change. I refused to accept that answer. I then hear my mom screaming in the background" HE'S RIGHT I NEVER WANTED HIM AND NEVER SHOULD HAVE HAD HIM" to which I say "that's it right there." My step dad then says "well you were a shitty kid. What about everything you put her through. Lying and being disobedient" and he continued naming shitty things I did as a kid. I replied saying that she was the one who was supposed to teach me right from wrong, she was the one who was supposed to teach me why I tell the truth and whenever I told the truth I would get screamed at or beat, it didn't exactly teach me anything good. The conversation circled around like that until finally my step dad says "well I guess that's that then. No point in continuing this. I'm sorry that you're (my son's name)'s dad." and hangs up.
Now I'm here, 6 hours after the fact and I can't stop going over it in my head. Was I a great kid? Not always. I just can't comprehend why someone would say that to their child. I am now a father of 2. Neither of them came at great times, either significant problems between my wife and I or this time, just 2020 in general. I can't fathom ever EVER saying anything close to that to them ever.
Ultimately I suppose at the end of all this I don't know exactly what I am looking for here. A cathartic venting experience? Should I ever bother trying to salvage the relationship?
For anyone who made it to the end of this, thanks for coming to my TED talk
Tl;Dr my mom told me that she never wanted me and never should have had me. I haven't wanted to continue a relationship with her after that. Today my step dad badgered me and basically said that I was a bad kid and that's why she was a bad mom.
Submitted December 31, 2020 at 07:23PM by 14inthehand https://ift.tt/34Znde5
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