I (34f) am in a mess with my distant-cousin-coworker (30sm) because our partners cheated on us with each other and he thinks my partner is worse than his.

This is such a trainwreck of a situation.

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Players

- my boyfriend (been with him for 5 years)

- my cousin (distant cousin) who also works for the same company as me (not same department however)

- cousin's girlfriend who he's been with for 4 years

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I won't get into all the backstory but basically 2 years ago my boyfriend and my cousin's girlfriend had a brief affair. My boyfriend and I were going through a very rough patch in our relationship (and honestly weren't even sure we would stay together) at the time. Still no excuse for acting this way however. My cousin and his girlfriend were also having difficulties and she was in a depression at the time.

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My cousin found out (because she left her iPad unlocked one day) and told me about it. That began a huge war. I was enraged and moved out. My cousin also moved out. My cousin harassed my (ex) boyfriend all the time. Police were involved, etc etc.

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Anyway, that was 2 years ago. After a lot of fighting and therapy etc, I moved back with my boyfriend. My cousin moved back with his girlfriend after only about 2 weeks.

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My boyfriend has zero to do with my cousin or his girlfriend anymore of course. I have nothing to do with my cousin's girlfriend. But my cousin will randomly contact me (ex: to wish me Happy New Year). He then (as always) starts telling me my boyfriend is terrible and I should not be with him anymore. He feels my boyfriend instigated everything and lied a lot to get my cousin's girlfriend to sleep with him when she was vulnerable (depressed).

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I agree my boyfriend lied. But so did she. As far as I'm concerned, they both sucked in this situation. I don't believe my boyfriend took advantage of her. I think she was more than willing to participate in this, and depression doesn't excuse anything. I usually don't say much to my cousin but last week I finally told him things about his girlfriend that helped to cut off his insistence that she's more innocent. I told him things that my boyfriend has told me, proving that she's just as conniving and devious and my cousin is being willfully blind.

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So in the end, I laid it out for him: he forgave her and decided to stay with her even though she's a lying, cheating, devious woman who had no qualms about having sex with someone associated with his family. Fine. But at least call it like it is and stop pretending that's not what she is. I said I'd respect his decision if he respects mine.

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He got incredibly upset with me and I just found out he actually moved out on Friday. And told all our relatives about what happened between his girlfriend and my partner (nobody fully knew) as though it just happened and now everyone is calling me all upset that I'm still with my partner.

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How can I navigate this? We've been trying to heal for 2 years and now everyone hates my boyfriend, and everyone is calling me offering me a place to stay, etc.

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I feel so awful. Was I wrong to say that to my cousin?

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tldr: my cousin kept insisting his girlfriend was the victim when both she and MY partner had an affair...I called him on it and told him she's no saint. He left her and now my relatives want me to leave my boyfriend too. 2 years after that affair.

Submitted January 03, 2021 at 08:54AM by SwordfishIntrepid530 https://ift.tt/2X6uODh