I [32F] ghosted my cousin [38F] & her very creepy husband [40M] because they made me uneasy. Not sure if I did the right thing. I need your input!

Background: My family is from Asia, I'm Asian. My cousin is half Asian and half Caucasian. She grew up in a small rural farming town in the US and for years her dad actively prevented her from contacting her Asian relatives. Because of this, I only vaguely knew of the existance of this cousin. I had only met her once as a toddler. It's been 30+ years. So onto the situation...

My cousin contacted me out of the blue on FB. She had been looking for her Asian cousins for a while, but was set back by the fact she didn't know our names or what we looked like. I was floored, really excited to reconnect and get to know her. We talked and messaged each other tons just trying to make up for years of lost time. She was really interested in reconnecting with her Asian heritage as she felt she had been robbed of the oppertunity by her parents. Over time, though, some things just started to feel more and more off.

She mentioned that her husband had been married before, to the only full Asian woman in their town. The marriage ended so he "looked for the next Asian to marry", which was my cousin, the only other local Asian there. She was gleeful when she told me this, that her husband only likes Asian women so she was natural choice for his 2nd wife. This weirded me out but I thought to myself, whatever, it's just personal preferences, no harm done.

Things got weirder. She would tell me how her hubby saw my pics on FB, made comments like "Wow, wish you were a full Asian like your sexy Asian cousin shortstacksnackpack." She'd tell me how he looked at my pics and "liked eveything he saw." She also said that he intentionally kept having kids with her because he likes her "barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen." They have 7 kids together as of now.

After few months of reconnecting they started talking about the two of them coming over to visit. They suggested staying with me. I hesitated because I live in a one bedroom apartment and thought a hotel room would be a better idea. The husband made a series of comments to the tune of "No big deal, the three of us can share a bed ;)". I was really getting the sense that her husband is sexually interested in me, she is aware of this and encouraged it because she herself enjoyed being fetishized for being part Asian.

After thinking about all of this, I felt grossed out. The thought of being alone in my apartment with the 2 of them stressed me out and make me uncomfortable. I ended up telling them work is too busy right now, but they kept bringing up the trip. They suggested I fly over there & stay at their place. Not going to lie, that doesn't feel like the safest thing to do.

I got tired of them repeatedly trying to arrange to meet, so I stopped responding to their msgs. It's been a while, and I know my cousin is really disappointed at my silence. I know she was hoping for a relationship but I don't think I can deal with the fetishization and weird sexual interest from her husband. I feel bad for cutting them off and honestly I really don't want to reconnect or be involved in their lives if Asian fetishization is a huge part of their identities.

I do feel really bad for ghosting, but I was just at a point where I was so grossed out I had to step away from interacting with them. Should I contact my cousin and let her know how they made me feel and explain why I'm keeping my distance? How do I even begin such an awkward conversation? Did I make a mistake by cutting off family? I'm terrible at confrontations and my gut instinct is to avoid conflict. Help please!

Submitted January 03, 2021 at 06:22PM by shortstacksnackpack https://ift.tt/3888VtE