Did I overreact? Was I(21F) too cruel to break up with my bf(25M) over calling me a Suck Up/brown noser?

So for some background: My boyfriend shares his office with another co-worker (we'll call him L) whom I see on a daily basis. For context, my bf is 25 and L is 45. L and I are not friends and we don't talk aside from passing hellos. My bf and L (and his wife) used to be super close friends but we learned that L is a notorious cheater, and has had multiple affairs. One time L accidentally slept over at another womans house and used my bf as an excuse/alibi, and my bf has refused to tell the wife the truth as he says that working with L will become awkward and that their marriage is none of his business. That's a whole other post though. Anyways, L has turned out to be a disgusting man who objectifies and sexualizes women, only amplifying my hate towards him. But I remain civil with him and as far as he knows, I know nothing about his affairs. According to my bf, that's just how his older coworkers are and it is apparently normal.

The incident: So Thursday, my bf and I were on the phone while he was on break at work. I ask my bf if he's with L right now, and he says yes. Then I say, tell him I said hi, and he does. Then, I felt kinda awkward so I mention to my bf that I'm learning Spanish. L is spanish so I say that you should tell L that. I only say this because my bf usually steps out of his office to call me but that day he didn't, and for whatever reason I felt like I needed to include him. Maybe I'm dumb for doing that. Anyways, my bf tells L. L thinks it's cool and asks why. And I say that because I applied for a job recently and it said that speaking another language gives you a leg up, and since I have the time now, I could set aside some time to learning it. To which my bf laughs and says "oh you're a brown-noser" and they both start to laugh at me. To those who don't know, brown nosing is like kissing someone ass. It's based on the position of sticking ones nose into someones anus (hence the brown nose wording). It really made me feel embarrassed because they were laughing at me and basically the type of person I am. I don't say anything though and I try to come across as cool by saying I know a few swear words and asking my bf to ask L if he knows what they mean. They both have a good laugh about it and that was the end of the phone call.

Then my bf texts me saying "thanks for the amusement", and I reply very dryly. He then asks me what's wrong to which I tell him that I didn't appreciate being made fun of. He continuously says that "it wasn't personal" which irritates me even more because how was it not personal? I could understand if it was a general statement about everyone in a certain category but this was different. He clearly said it to me, about me, towards me, in front of his co-workers, and he created a situation where I was being made fun of. He says that he was just joking and it was harmless fun teasing. And I tell him that he can't just insult me and then pull the "jk" card, and that it's not "fun teasing" if the other person is getting hurt. I'll admit, I became very irritated with him because he was trying to minimize what he did and I started being super sarcastic to him. He responded with "I'm not going to retaliate" to which I said "Oh wow. Great. Look at you go. You want a prize for that? For not being mean to your gf? For The bare fucking minimum?" He did end up apologizing but was still minimizing the fact that it was personal and hurtful. So we were in this fight where we weren't really talking.

Later that day I tried making amends and apologizing for being mean/rude although my feelings were still hurt. And he just didn't communicate with me and said that he didn't know how he felt or what to say, so I decided to leave him alone.

Then, he called me Friday morning saying that he told L about everything to get his advice on what he should do. I'm not going to lie, but this was the last straw. I didn't yell or get upset. I heard him out. I heard everything he had to say. He said that he apologizes for talking to L (he knows that I hate people knowing about our relationship problems) but he needed to and figured L would be the perfect person to talk to as he's been to couples counseling (BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HIS WIFE DOZENS OF TIMES) and that he thought L would have good advice. Basically, L said that we should see someone and have someone as a facilitator to figure out this empasse and come to an agreement.

I told my bf that I can't believe he told L. That he would want to take relationship advice from the same man that used him as an excuse and the same man who constant cheats on his wife with. I told him the only reason I didn't make a big deal/scene about it on the phone was because I didn't want L knowing. I don't know what my bf told him so I don't know what L think of me which gives me extreme anxiety just thinking about. I told my bf that I wish he hadn't done that because I can't ever see L again (bc of said anxiety). I told him that he literally could've told anyone besides him. Now, I can't be seen around campus with my bf in front of L again. It's just way too embarrassing for me. So I decided to just break up with him.

Also, we've been together 2 years, and I really had hoped my bf would know me better than to make all the wrong moves. From humiliating me in front of a coworker, to talking about our relationship problems with coworkers that I have to see on a daily basis.

Also, my bf has called me a Suck Up/brown-noser before in the past too when I told him that on the first day of each of my classes, I like to go up to TAs & profs and just informally introduce myself. Keep in mind that these classes can have upward of 500+ students and I just like to make myself familiar so I can maximize my opportunities. And he called me a brown-noser for doing that, but I let it slide because he was joking/teasing and this happened when it was just me and him alone. Although, it was embarrassing back then too because it was like he was making fun of my character and who I am as a person.

Sorry this is long but I wanted some peace of mind if I did the right thing? And if not, how should I approach the situation to fix the relationship?

Any advice is appreciated. Thank you

TL;DR My bf called me a brown noser in front of his coworker for learning Spanish, and when I discussed my hurt with him in private, he told the coworker everything about it to get advice so I broke up with him.

Submitted January 23, 2021 at 04:04PM by sunsetwildfiree https://ift.tt/3of48v2