Am I crazy or is she not The One?

I could use some input / validation / wake-up calls.

For four months, I've (27/f) been in my first relationship with a woman (25/f), and it's clear that this is different and better than my relationships with men. But I still have doubts.

Issue 1: Are we compatible?

She's incredibly smart, attentive, and supportive, which are the most important traits in my book.

But she has some bad habits that concern me.

• She spends money way more freely than I do.
• She often drops the ball on important stuff -- money stuff, medical stuff, social stuff etc -- to the point that it causes chaos in her life.
• She has an addictive streak. (Which is mostly under control, for now.)

I drop the ball sometimes too. But not like she does. And she's very pleasure-seeking, while I'm not. (Often to a fault.)

So it's not like I'm perfect. And everybody has baggage and mismatches. Maybe we'll balance each other out. Are these things we can make work?

Issue 2: Is this how it's supposed to feel?

It doesn't feel like a movie, or stories people tell at weddings, or my big high school crush. I feel affection for her, but it's a shadow of what I expected. If she broke up with me, I'd be sad, but I'd get over it quickly. (The sex has also dwindled a lot..... )

Is this what a relationship should feel like?? This is real life. I'm an adult. Is it unrealistic to want Romance? Am I just not enjoying this because I'm neurotic?

Issue 3: What now?

The pandemic has been really hard on her. She doesn't have close relationships with friends and family.

And I'm scared for myself too. When we're together, I often think "God, I wish I could have a day to myself." But then when I do, I'm miserable. And when I see her, I'm surprised by what a relief it is.

Given my ambivalence, is it dishonest to stay with her? If I stay or become less neurotic, will our love get deeper? If I wait to dump her until after lockdown, am I a piece of shit?

tl;dr, I'm not feeling it. Is this just what relationships are like? Am I doing it wrong? Or is she the wrong person for me?

Submitted November 21, 2020 at 04:02PM by LeapsOrBounds https://ift.tt/36Zkh19