My (30/M) girlfriend's (30/F) transgender friend (34/F) has her convinced that she is a TERF for the simple reason that she has decided to keep her Harry Potter books and merchandise and things.

To cut it short this friend has been on a rampage both online and offline since all of the JK Rowling shit had hit the news. Although I personally disagree with JK Rowling's views on trans-activism and such, I think the threats of physical and sexual violence that have been directed at her as a result of her views, are counterproductive at best.

My girlfriend feels the same as I do about that and has struggled a lot on whether to continue to read and support the Harry Potter books and franchise. Without those books she feels that she would never have found her passion for reading and writing, which has continued in the years since. She is a writer and a brilliant one at that.

Although I understand her friend's emotional reaction to everything that has gone on, particularly the way in which JK Rowling has only doubled down on her fucked up views, she seems to have directed most of her anger at my girlfriend in recent weeks. All because my girlfriend has decided not to burn her Harry Potter books and all of the Harry Potter merchandise that she has acquired the past twenty years.

She outright said to my girlfriend on a phone the other day, "You're literally killing trans children every single fucking time you read one of those books." Honestly had no idea this friend had been giving her shit before I had overheard that. When I asked my girlfriend what was going on afterward, she tried to downplay it but eventually broke down saying that her friend called her a TERF for the reasons above.

Naturally her friend ignored the fact that she has donated to various LGBTQ organizations and that as a rule she will donate twice as much to those organizations that she spends on Harry Potter. I thought that was a brilliant idea and a good way to show support for trans people and Harry Potter whilst also sticking it to JK Rowling. As far as the Harry Potter books are concerned, that is money that was spent a long time ago, so there is no harm in reading those books again. It's not like she's buying new copies every few months when she decides to reread the series.

It just seems like her friend is taking a counterproductive approach in expressing her feelings and has misdirected a lot of that to people who are actually in support of her and other trans people. As a POC in North America ... I absolutely get what it's like to be discriminated against and to feel dehumanized and told how to feel by people who have no idea what it's like to walk in my shoes, so I don't want to say this friend is angry at my girlfriend for no reason.

I get it but to call her a TERF is just inaccurate.

My girlfriend is distraught and took down all of her Harry Potter merchandise and hasn't talked much. When I asked why she had changed her mind about keeping those important items, she said that she doesn't want to be a TERF and that her friend is "just right" and that she is "just wrong" and I mean ... it was devastating to see her like that and I don't even like Harry Potter.

How do I help my girlfriend through this? Her original decision and thought process felt reasonable. This just seems like she was bullied into submission. Should I speak to her friend directly? Even if she has a problem with my girlfriend keeping the books, that does not magically give her the right to name call and bully and shove her into a corner for "wrongthink" or whatever else.

That is some scary, borderline fascist behaviour on the friend's part.

What can I do to help?

My girlfriend is my only priority. This isn't really even about the books. This is just about a person bullying another person.

TL;DR Her friend has been relentlessly bullying her to the point that she has now taken down all of her Harry Potter shit and seems scared and confused. As a boyfriend what can I do to help? Should I talk to her friend about the bullying? Thoughts?

Submitted September 27, 2020 at 07:49PM by whatifthisis https://ift.tt/3j8X7uj