I love my boyfriend so much. He treats me really well. He’s my best friend and we have so much fun together. He’s always there for me and does nice things for me and in general he’s just a very sweet, good person and caring partner.
But I’m breaking up with him. I know I’m my own person and I can break up with someone whenever I want for whatever reason I want, but this just feels so bad. For some background, we both grew up very poor, though both of our parents are now in a good place financially. I have a career where I make okay money. I could support us both, but we would live a very simple life. He works full time and he is a hard worker but he only gets paid a little less than double the minimum wage in our state. On top of not earning much, he’s pretty bad with his money. He does pay his share of rent and household bills each month. He doesn’t have a car so his only other bill is his phone and then of course food and stuff. Last week his cellphone bill was paid and he overdrew his account with four days left until payday.
He never asks me for money but I feel bad, so I float him until he gets paid. Anyway, I’m about to turn 35 and I keep thinking how it’s almost too late for me to start a family now. I really want to be married and have kids but I just feel like, with his bank account in the red, those goals might be a long way off.
I’ve tried to talk to him and he just gets really upset points out that he works hard and it’s not his fault that his employer doesn’t pay a living wage. (Something we both feel pretty frustrated about). I’ve tried to suggest looking for other jobs but he’s happy where he is. Plus without a car or drivers license he is excluded from a lot of opportunities. He has been talking about going back to school for the last year, yet I have not seen him make any real attempt to do that. I just feel like maybe nothing will ever change. Of course any time there is an emergency, (like recently, a family member of his passed away and he had to fly home for the funeral) I’m left footing the bill for those things too.
Despite the financial issues, we love each other so so much. When I broke it off last night he said “how could you just throw away all of the good that we have over money?!”He also points to our parents who all struggled a lot when we were young but came out on top. I feel like I’m having trouble explaining my perspective to him. I’m also having a hard time sticking to my guns because I do love him and he’s making me feel like some gold digging villain.
I’m moving out of our place, but I can’t leave for a couple of weeks and I’m just afraid that I’m going to relent and take him back and I’ll whittle away my years and end up in my forties still floating him money, unmarried and with no family.
How do I put my foot down and how do I get him to understand my predicament? Am I superficial for ending an otherwise great relationship over money?
TL;DR - Boyfriend is a great person and I love him but we are not on the same page about our financial goals. I’m afraid he’ll convince me to stay though because he makes me feel superficial for leaving over money.
Submitted September 26, 2020 at 04:31PM by throwaway452896 https://ift.tt/36829Dy
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