Dad [58M] called me [21F] a stupid, brainless b*tch for having a 10-minute socially-distanced convo with a friend

Hi all, (TL;DR AT BOTTOM)

I [21F] apologize if I come off as being overdramatic - I do get emotional easily, but something happened today that made me realize my relationship with my father [58M] today is... not as healthy as I would like.

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So my college is fully remote right now, and I'm currently working/learning from home - I haven't left my house in half a year, and I haven't spoken to a live person outside of my 2 parents for the past half a year. As an introvert I've been doing alright compared to many others thankfully, but I've still grown progressively lonelier from the isolation and have started to lose interest in basically everything I used to be passionate about (as I'm sure many can and do relate). One of my best friends from college, a true rock in my life for 4+ years now, travelled to our school recently and got tested negative thankfully, and decided to come up more north to surprise me an hour ago - I was ELATED. I knew that I would not get near him, as I'd be standing outside his passenger seat and he'd be in the driver's seat with 6-7 ft distance apart and I of course put on a clean medical face mask; I'm somebody who's deeply afraid of illness and getting sick from others. My mom knows how lonely I've been, and said that it was ok as long as I was careful - and I was. My dad immediately started yelling, and said that I wasn't allowed because "he was the master of the house and [I] had to do whatever he told me to do" (verbatim).

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After 10 minutes of being outside and having a nice catch-up chat, I got called 3x by my mom [54F] who said that my dad was LIVID. I went back inside, of course, and immediately took off the cardigan I was wearing and hung it in my garage to air out for 2-3 days, and went to take a shower. Then, I got locked into my bedroom while I was in the shower (shower's attached to my bedroom) and told not to come out for the rest of the day - for quarantine's sake I get it, I'm not bothered. Then, my dad started yelling at my mom and telling her that I was "stupid and impulsive and selfish, and that everything I've done and everything I'll ever do in the future will be tainted by my shitty character." He came into my room just now to tell me that he doesn't ever want me to talk to him again about any issues I may have, and that he wants me to hurry up and graduate and get out of the house as soon as possible so that he never has to deal with me again. He said that he's lucky that I'm not being locked in the basement for 2 weeks, or being sent off to a hotel to never come back.

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The thing is, this event wasn't the tip of the iceberg as to what I've been told. Other things I've been told are "you and your sister aren't worth me sacrificing my life for," and that I'm a "stupid f**king wh*re and a**hole," and that "your feelings don't matter because I don't buy your foolish games", and that "I can't let your stupidity impact my quality of life" within this quarantine alone, many times over. And every time he does this, he turns around and tries to make up for it and creates these types of cycles over and over again, for the past 20+ years of my life. Whether it's because I've done something, or because he's in a bad mood for some reason, he takes it out on me and my family. I can think of numerous examples that would make this post... very long.

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For my internship for this past summer, for example, I took the offer from a small company in September 2019, and did not stop yelling at me for my poor decision making skills (because I didn't continue interviewing at larger, brand-name shiny investment banks and consulting firms) until I got another full-time offer for September 2020 that he was satisfied with; he always says that he gives me freedom and independence, but it's always within the boundaries of my actions and viewpoints always matching his.

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I am constantly walking on eggshells in this home, and because of him I fear any person raising their voice at me. I'm scared that I'm not allowed to even want to talk to another person. I know that I'm young, and that I may come off as foolish; but I don't think I deserve to be called a "stupid f*king b**ch" for every single thing that doesn't fall within the boundaries of what he considers acceptable. I don't want revenge, or for either of my parents to suffer or anything like that - I just want to leave the house, and continue loving my mom but not converse with my dad again. Please help.

TL;DR - my dad [58M] loves control and is potentially verbally abusive, and I [21F] can't tell if I'm being overly-dramatic or not.

Submitted September 27, 2020 at 11:09AM by lu7143 https://ift.tt/3mQc6eG