Throwaway because my brother uses Reddit.
About two years ago I started getting sick. I’ve seen a ridiculous number of doctors since then (more than 10, less than 20 - I don’t remember exactly how many right now). No one could figure out what was going on with me - I even had an exploratory surgery at one point. A few doctors brought up fibromyalgia, so I asked my parents if anyone in our family had it (or any other autonomic nervous system disorder). They said no.
However, the next couple doctors also brought up fibro, so I asked again if there was a family history of it. Again, they said no. I tried asking one more time and was told to drop it because it “was getting annoying”. So I dropped it.
Monday, my most recent doctor brought up fibromyalgia yet again, along with one other theory he had. I called my mom after the appointment and mentioned that fibromyalgia had popped up yet again, and she said “Oh, Dad has that! What a coincidence!”
Turns out my dad was diagnosed with fibromyalgia less than two months before my symptoms started. I knew he was sick, but my parents both told me it was because of “botched dental work” (most of his pain is in his jaw). I didn’t question it, because why would I? I believed them.
My mom swears I never asked about any family history, ever, which is a lie. I have texts between us with me asking about fibromyalgia specifically. My roommates and boyfriend have heard me on the phone with her asking about family medical history. My mom also says she just forgot my dad was diagnosed, which might be true because he’s got a few other chronic illnesses and they do tend to blend together. But I’ve already inherited a couple of those, so why not make a not to tell me about the fibro diagnosis? She also said she had no idea Dad having fibro meant that I or my brother were likely to have fibro, despite all my symptoms from the past two years. She said she didn’t make the connection.
I admit I lost my temper. I’ve spent two years of my life trying to figure out what’s wrong with me, and they “didn’t remember?” Seriously? Not once in two years did they think “Oh yeah, Dad’s got fibro. OP should know about that!” And the lie about botched dental work? I just... I feel so betrayed. I yelled at her about it and she hung up on me. Later, I asked them for space, and Mom texted back telling me to get over it. It’s not their fault. I should have asked (I did! Three times!). My dad called me later and told me to stop being entitled. I know now - why am I making a big deal out of it? I should be grateful they told me at all. This is what I get for not letting them into my appointments (they live four hours away - they couldn’t come even if I wanted them there).
I feel gaslighted. If I didn’t have texts and people who remember the conversations I’d be doubting if they ever happened. I’m so angry and hurt, and I don’t know how to move past this. They’ve threatened to kick me off their health insurance for much less than me being upset with them in the past, and I can’t afford to keep seeing the doctor I’m seeing now without it (and he’s wonderful - I want to keep seeing him if I can). But I don’t know how to forgive them for this, even if it wasn’t intentional.
TL:DR I’ve been sick for two years. My dad has fibromyalgia, and despite me asking repeatedly neither of my parents ever told me about it. They’re blaming me, I need to move past it.
Submitted September 30, 2020 at 03:36PM by throwaway_forgive https://ift.tt/2G4QKdb
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