Help, mom dying of cancer and has a financially/emotionally abusive husband. What to do?

Hi! TLDR at bottom

So, my mom (60s) was recently diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer. It’s sudden, but apparently she’s known for a month and hasn’t told me. She tends to try to protect me or put her head in the sand when things go wrong.

Anyway, her husband is EXTREMELY controlling. They got married 6 years ago and is on all of the joint accounts, has to know where she is at all times, made her sell her house she had before they got married and bought one with him, Alienated her from her friends (everyone hates him), so on so forth.

I’m unfortunately across the country but will be seeing her in November and staying through the holidays as she goes through chemo. This is where it gets hairy.

Her husband can’t keep a job and currently is unemployed. She makes decent money (yes she’s still working while doing radiation and having stage 4 cancer??) and gets retirement from the military and disability. Aka she’s his cash cow.

We are all worried about her cause he seems like he wants control over every appointment she goes to. My aunt (her sister) hates the husband and has been to every appointment she can via zoom, while the husband never went to her first radiation appointment because he was “waiting for a fridge to be delivered”.

So she’s gone to a lot of these appointments with my aunt being on zoom and the doctors actually keeping in contact with my aunt to remind my mom of her appointments since her husband didn’t seem to care, until 2 days ago when they finalized their wills.

Now he’s done a 180 and told my aunt to back off after my aunt expressed her concern for my mom and her distain for the husband. He’s also called me and told me that I’m not allowed to take my mom to any of her chemo appointments without him there. There will be now POA and since he’s her husband he will decide what happens. Any medical stuff that goes on, will go on between him, my mom, and the doctors.

I can barely get her on the phone alone as is without him hovering or around. I’m scared this is going to cause more stress and he’s basically waiting for her to die. Anyone have any advice?

Oh, and my dad? He died of cancer 10 years ago. I’m her only kid.

Edit to add: Conveniently, they recently had one of HIS friends (female) move in with them a month or so ago.. apparently she’s staying till January. She sold her house and needed a place to stay? I don’t buy it.

TLDR: Mom has stage 4 lung cancer and her husband controls everything and is trying to keep her away from family. Seems like he wants her to die so he gets everything. Help?

Submitted September 30, 2020 at 02:46PM by meepnotme https://ift.tt/3jnjegw