My ex (31m) and I (29f) are still living together due to quarantine. We were together for 3 years and broke up in January, but with quarantine, he hasn't been able to work or look for his own place. Our relationship was really rocky, but we've agreed to try to find a way to live together peacefully as friends. We've taken quarantine pretty seriously, ordering groceries in, and only going out for items we can't get delivered.
For various reasons, he's not a social guy and is pretty anxious. In the beginning of our relationship, I used to go out a few times a month on my own, either for work events or with friends. However, over the course of it, I started going out less and less and then mainly just for work, because he would often be stressed or feel rejected that I went out. I honestly do not think he intended it, but it began to feel controlling. That's all fine, because we broke up. But, now we're in quarantine, and he hasn't had many issues wanting to break quarantine, but I have been going little nuts.
I've been really lucky and able to work from home. In the beginning, I did go see a friend of mine a few times to get some space, though she'd been quarantined. I also worked at a coworker's house one day. Since then (2 months), I haven't seen anyone but my ex, and just like for everyone, it's been rough. Especially since I haven't been able to see my young nephews, who I moved across the country to live near.
Though my state, Oregon, is starting to reopen, I know we're not out of the woods at all. I've started really wanting to see people again, but since we're sharing a space, I run my ideas by my ex. A dog playdate with a friend who just got a puppy got shot down because I'd probably end up touching my friend's dog, and our dogs would clearly touch. I said OK. I suggested seeing my nephews as they've been quarantined as well, but he pointed out that my siblings are not clean people and their house is likely to be very germy. He suggested maybe just hanging outdoors with them.
Fast forward to this week, I'm turning 30 on Friday. Saturday, my nephew and my sister-in-law swung by unannounced to drop off pastries. It was the first time I've seen them, and we stood 6-feet apart and talked for 20 minutes outside. My ex asked who was wearing masks, etc, and did not seem happy. Today, I got an invite from them, they want to celebrate my 30th (I've had no idea what to do, given quarantine), with a picnic in the park with my Dad on video chat. For the record, they are not overly affectionate or thoughtful people, so this is an incredibly sweet gesture.
This afternoon, my ex tells me his friend has suggested doing an online movie night for his birthday (it's the day before mine). I mentioned my sister-in-law's invitation and he gets upset. He said I haven't respected his wishes for quarantine and asks me, "So you're having a party?" It's not a party, it's 2 toddlers, 3 adults, and computer, socially distanced in the park. I got upset that he wasn't even a little bit supportive, and honestly, felt like I couldn't tell the difference between him trying to be safe for quarantine or being controlling. So I've come to you.
TL;DR: I know everyone has different quarantine standards, but my philosophy has been to take it very seriously, with the occasional, reasonable exception for my mental sanity. Is a socially distanced picnic for my birthday unsafe, or is my ex being controlling?
EDITED FOR LENGTH, trying not to be longwinded.
Submitted June 30, 2020 at 06:49PM by jkliptonia https://ift.tt/3ihmZDX
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