A disturbing situation has been unfolding in my family (very messy divorce, extremely strange circumstances) and I don't even know what to think or do anymore. I'm deeply unsettled and confused. What to do about my (24F) father (60M)?

Before I begin, this situation normally takes me a full hour or longer to explain to people, and as such I can't include every single detail but I'm going to try to get across the gist of it. I'm just looking for any advice or anything I can get :( Every day feels like Im in a episode of Dr Phil.

(tldr: my parents are getting divorced after another of my dads affairs was revealed, and my father is spiraling down a horrible path. He claims the woman he is with is psychic and wants to go live with her. I no longer recognize this man as the one who raised me, who was my best friend growing up. My dad has a brain injury from a car accident and it seems that each day, his mental health worsens even more and the situation with my parents divorce also gets worse. He wants to leave my mom with basically nothing. He has now ghosted me.)

Growing up, my father and I were always extremely close. Best friends, really. My Mom and I had a difficult relationship during my rebellious teenage phase and I had some behavioral issues. My Mom and I went through therapy together and luckily our relationship has improved a lot. Im 24 currently. My Dad and I remained close as I moved out at the age of 18 to go to college and I haven't been back home since as I now live with my fiance. I also have a 20 year old sister who is closer to my Mom.

About 4 years ago, my father got into a bad car accident. He collided with a semi and rolled multiple times across the freeway. The day this happened my Mother found out he was having an affair with a woman from his work. These events were jarring to me and my Mom disclosed to me that this wasn't the first time. I was shocked. It was looking like my parents were going to get a divorce. My father sustained a brain injury from the car accident and ever since the accident, his memory has suffered with short term memory loss issues and his unresolved PTSD from his time in the military being magnified to levels we had never before encountered. It was as if the brain injury brought to the forefront past traumas in my Dad's mind and magnified them painfully.

My Mom stuck by my Dad as he took a 15 month leave from his work after the car accident, as it happened in a government vehicle so my dad received paid time off. She took him to all doctors appointment, advocated for him to doctors about his memory loss issues, and pushed on his behalf for his workplace and his doctors to take this matter seriously. My Dad stopped talking to this woman from his workplace and they started working on their marriage it seemed, going on regular dates together.

Things only got worse with my dad's magnified PTSD and brain injury/memory loss issues over time. When he returned to work he started making a lot of strange errors so his workplace put him on Admin duties but he would still be receiving the same pay. (A very high salary, long career with the government) They took his badge and gun and this really affected my dad, it seemed, and upset him greatly.

My Mom had been a stay at home mom for the past 20 years to raise my sister and I and that was a choice my parents made together. The past couple years they had been planning their retirement together and even discussing moving to Idaho for their retirement. My dad paid for my college tuition and promised to pay for my wedding, giving me permission to enter into a contract with a venue that was a bit on the pricier side and he told my fiance and I to not worry about the cost. The past year my dad bought me a new car, with both our names on it, with assurances that he would pay my insurance and monthly car payment. My dad was planning to retire in a few years and had been discussing the timeline with my mom for a long time.

I graduated college one year ago, in June of 2019. My graduation party was the last time I saw my Dad, and I have not seen him since.

One month later my Mother found out about another affair. My Father had reconnected with an old girlfriend from over 30 years ago (from his time stationed in this country while in the military) and they had started an online affair. According to my father, this woman is a psychic and sensed dark energies in the home and around my mother. This woman told my father that my mom would be dead in three years. This woman (Iris) has two middle school aged daughters and lives in a country over 5000 miles away from where we are. My Mother was obviously really upset, however my father promised to end the relationship and seemingly did so. My parents started going on more dates together, getting couples massages together and resuming their plans of retirement and working on their marriage.

Two weeks after this latest revelation, my father left the home he shared with my mom and sister in the middle of the day while my mom was grocery shopping. He took absolutely nothing with him aside from his RA meds. Not his numerous clothes, not his lifetime collection of books (I'd estimate at least 300-500 books). He did not say goodbye to my sister. He left with only the clothes on his back.

My mom received a message from my dad telling her that he was leaving her. He told her to throw away or give away all of his belongings, that there was dark energy surrounding them and he would never again set foot in that house. He got himself an apartment. My father got into contact with me to tell me that he had been horribly emotionally abused in his marriage with my mom and that he never wanted to leave when my sister and I were kids, so he stayed in the marriage for us. He told me the emotional abuse was so severe, that he could never again see my mother. He argued with me that I should remember and know about my Mother's "anger" from when I was a teenager and we didn't have the best relationship. To put into context I was pretty shitty in my behavior and lied to my mom constantly. He argued with me that I should know very well about awful of a person my mother was due to my mom's anger towards me as a teenager before we went to therapy together.

He asked to talk to me on the phone and explain to me his side of things, where he told me about the supposed emotional abuse. He told me the day he got into his car accident he was high on drugs (his RA medication) He told me that he wanted to go be with Iris, and that when the divorce was finalized he would leave the country and live with Iris. He told me Iris was a millionaire and to not worry about him, that she was such a nice person and I would love her and her daughters.

My mom filed for divorce. At first my dad promised my mom that she would get a generous share of the money for the divorce so that my sister could go to college and my mom wouldn't have to worry about expenses. Then my dad went to visit iris and her kids for a couple weeks. When he came back, he unexpectedly retired from his job where he was making 6 figures at this point to sit at a desk and do paperwork. he told my mom he was only willing to give my mom 400 dollars a month in spousal support and he wanted her to sell the house and get a job working at walmart or target. My mom has no college education. He then began racking up over 20k in credit card debt, and took out a mysterious 40k loan to which he has never explained. His behaviors became erratic and he became very mean, lashing out at my mom and speaking to me more harshly/curtly if I ever started questioned certain things about the situation to him.

My sister has been traumatized and has stopped talking to my dad completely. She has regressed into a shell and sometimes spends several days in her room without coming out except to go to work. When my mom told my dad how much my sister was affected by these events, my dad said that he didn't believe she would be so traumatized because shes 20 years old and an adult now. At the same time my father has pleaded with me to convince my sister to talk to him and has asked me to my sister how much he loves her and is sorry for how she is currently hurting from this.

After coming back from visiting Iris, my Father stopped all communication with my mom and told me that he was never going to speak to my mom again, that's how bad the emotional abuse apparently was. I begged him over and over to communicate with my mom for a settlement in the divorce so things didn't drag out painfully for everyone. Each time he was firm that he would never again speak to my mom, resulting in the lawyers doing everything. 500 dollars an hour for my dads lawyer, 300 for my mom. At this point im the only one talking to my dad as I wanted to try to stay neutral and support both my parents. It became clear something was very wrong with my dad but i told myself the divorce was for the better and i just wanted both my parents happy.

My dad fell further into debt and informed me that he no longer has any money. that he could not pay for my wedding, for my sisters college education, or my car payments. he told me firmly he had no more money, that he was sorry and he did the best he could as my father. COVID happened and the divorce process halted. A week ago my dad and his lawyer sent my mom and her lawyers a letter demanding that my mother return my fathers books and clothing, that my mom needs to stop coming to my dads apartment harassing him (my mom denies this completely) and that they are taking the divorce to trial as my dad doesn't want to pay full spousal support.

I confronted my father about this. My father admitted to me that my mom has never been to his apartment to harass him, there must have been a miscommunication and that he was just worried my mom would show up and "start bullying him". My Dad is like 6'3 and my mom in comparison is an entire foot shorter. I started asking questions about my dads numerous debt and expressing my disappointment that hes leaving his family high and dry, and questioning his narrative of the past year that he was emotionally abused. I asked how he could not remember tell my mom to sell all his stuff (ive seen the texts) or throw them away. I told him that I really hoped he wasnt giving any money to Iris and her kids while his family was struggling for money, my mom and sister only having 20 dollars in the bank account for food, my fiance and I scrambling to figure out how to pay for our wedding, and my sister no longer being able to go to college this year because my dad claims he can't pay for it. I appealed to him by saying that no one is perfect, and can't we all just work together to figure out the best plan for our family so no one is left struggling. I wrote this huge, long emotional message to my Dad, pleading to him to basically have mercy and understand everyones perspectives in this.

My father responded to me by saying that he was never going to speak to my mom again, that he would let my mom keep the house if she accepted his 400 dollar spousal support, that he was not giving any money to Iris or her kids, and he then sent me a few job links to send to my mom.

He then blocked me on everything. i used a fake account to look at his facebook, that i hadn't look at in about a month because it was always private. There I found a post bragging to his friends and family on facebook about how many gifts he had given to iris. This was so hurtful to me.

Its now been a few days. Im going to end the post here. I can't cover all the details of this crazy situation, it would be impossible. Im sad for my mom, though her divorce lawyer is optimistic. im sad for my dad and extremely worried his mental health that seems to be deteriorating so much. im sad that once the divorce is finalized my father will leave the country to be with iris and her kids. im shocked and numb now that he has blocked me. we were so close growing up and now, i dont know if can ever speak to him again.

i would appreciate any advice at all. thank you for your time.

Submitted May 31, 2020 at 03:29PM by mrsblue2021 https://ift.tt/2TZYbGi