My [16 M] mom [47 F] makes me feel bad by threatening to disown me and saying nasty things, she hates the fact that I'm gay

Ever since my mom found out that I am gay, 1.5 years ago, she has hated me. There are times when she acts like everything's fine and is really nice to me which calms me down, thinking she's finally somewhat accepted me but then she gets angry and yells about how she will kick me out and how I'm not her son if I ever do sth gay again.

Sometimes I legitimately have no idea why she gets these outbursts of anger, and sometimes there are reasons. (she's reminded of my sexuality because of something etc.)

This makes me really depressed and EXTREMELY guilty because although I know that her homophobia is her choice and there's no excuse for it, I still see that I made her truly sad and angry. That makes me feel so fucking terrible about myself, leaves me wanting to hide my sexuality but everytime I fail I feel ten times more guilty.

I need your help on how can I stop feeling guilty about myself and let her words get to me and destroy my positive mood. I don't feel like I should try to change her mind as that's pretty much impossible and my only way of stopping this is moving out when I finish school and am financially ready.

TLDR: my mom hates me for my sexuality, makes me feel guilty and depressed, I need your help on how to feel better and not let her words affect me.

Submitted May 25, 2020 at 10:30AM by DepresssThrowawae https://ift.tt/2X1dv7r