I suppose this is a different sort of relationship problem. I've played in this band since I was a teenager along with my dear old dad (57). It's allowed us to be close and to spend time together almost every weekend for 15 years, and we've made a lot of fond memories.
Unfortunately, COVID pressed the pause button on that back in March. The band has been making music videos over the past couple of months, which has been fun, but summer is our busy season and establishments are opening back up at limited capacity. All of those places are now expecting us to show and perform, our first one coming up in two weeks in a state where COVID cases are increasing significantly and there are few (if any) public precautions being taken.
Here's where things get dicey. Three of us have various health conditions that would make COVID a nightmare, and particularly for me, a very possible death sentence. My dad and I are both wary about playing so soon, right after things are opening up and inviting a second wave of cases--one drunken, asymptomatic patron coming up to us could be all it takes to send us to the ICU. Our state won't even allow more than 50 people to gather until July at the earliest. We prefer to take a wait-and-see approach, as we'd rather be alive to play next summer than risk complications now.
The other guys are a bit of an issue. The guitar player (47), who also has a health condition, wants to play but agrees with playing it safe at the show, i.e. no contact with patrons, keeping far away from others, and making sure we all take appropriate steps to limit exposure. He's pretty easy going and I really enjoy playing with him.
The drummer (51), though, believes that COVID is an over-blown conspiracy and will not agree to the safety precautions I've set out. He says he sympathizes with my condition, but that healthy people don't have to take these precautions. He has been hinting that if I don't feel safe playing shows, then I should quit.
While the obvious choice may be to fire the drummer, this is a man I've played with for many years and a good friend up until recently, so I'm hesitant to do that. Honestly, it kind of hurts me to think that he does not value my health enough to take simple precautions, and makes me wonder just how good a friend he is. Not to mention, finding a suitable drummer and getting them up to speed on our material in 2 weeks would be difficult, especially since we can't rehearse in person.
To make matters worse, my dad has disliked the drummer for some time both musically and personally. He feels that the drummer is not a team player; we pride ourselves on playing a wide variety of music and keeping the audience happy, but the drummer only likes one specific genre and doesn't put forth effort on songs he doesn't like.
Dad is now thinking of quitting, both for our health reasons and because he no longer wants to work with the drummer. He's also just getting tired of spending almost every weekend playing shows and wants to spend more time at home with my mom, which is understandable. He also said that if he quit, he would retire from music permanently, so it's not as though we could form a new band when it's safer. As he owns the majority of the PA equipment, that would effectively end the band we've played in together for 15 years.
So I feel like I'm in a bit of a pickle. If I agree with my dad and quit, we will no longer have that bond but will have many cherished memories of it. I'll also lose my second source of income, which I will especially need soon due to some life changes--I won't be able to safely replace it with another gig until there's a COVID vaccine. On the flip side, if I agree to keep playing and convince my dad to do the same, I would be putting us both at risk for money and to keep the dream alive for a little while longer. If my dad caught the virus because of my choice, I don't think I could live with myself, and I also want to stay healthy.
Thanks for sticking with me so far! This turned out to be longer than I thought. I'd appreciate any other views on the situation!
TLDR- 1/2 of the band is wanting to play despite COVID health risks--should my dad and I quit to preserve our health?
Submitted May 30, 2020 at 04:10PM by yoloom https://ift.tt/3dlaq7J
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