This whole situation is so bizarre. I'm 23F and my mom is 55F. Last year, my mom, dad, and younger brother (15M) moved across the country, and I stayed put for my job.
Worth noting is shortly before the move, I discovered my dad was having an emotional affair on my mom, and then discovered that this was actually his third offense with this person and they'd been going to counseling for some time under the guise of "date night" each week. Despite this, my mom opted to stay with my dad, leave behind all her friends and rich life where I live, and has refused to seek any kind of therapy in their new home or seek support from friends out of fear of what they will think. She occasionally breaks down and talks to me about it, even asking me for advice (really inappropriate), and then we go back to acting like it never happened.
When they moved, my mom got rid of a bunch of stuff. This included craft supplies. My mom likes to buy crafts, but rarely does them. I also like to buy crafts, but I do them very frequently. She said I could have some of her cross-stitches that she hadn't done yet. She gave me two big ones and some small ones. The big ones were Hummingbird and Landscape. She had these sitting in the closet gathering dust for YEARS without a thought. She even says she can't cross-stitch anymore because it's so hard for her to see.
My mom and I have a pretty good relationship and have been watching shows together online and talking. I usually cross-stitch during the shows. I completed Hummingbird and showed her and she was pleased. So next up was Landscape.
I had been talking about how excited I was about Landscape because it's very large and complex and I have never done one that involved before. My mom started to express misgivings, insinuating (but never outright saying) that she regretted giving it to me. I don't do insinuating BS so I asked her if she wanted me to send it back to her. "Oh, no, no..."
She then remembered that the Landscape shares a name with my brother, which was apparently why she bought it in the first place. She asked if I was going to give it to him when I was done. My brother is 15 and his interests include gaming. This project is beautiful and will be a lot of hard work and I don't want to waste it, so I said no. He wouldn't want it (he has a history of being extremely indifferent to sentimental gifts and gestures) and I don't want to give it to him. She is upset about this.
Bear in mind she purchased a cross-stitch birth announcement and a cross-stitch Christmas stocking when he was born, 15 years ago. Neither have been completed, and I haven't seen her even pick up either in over a decade.
I give it some thought and say sure, I'll give it to him, thinking that maybe he would appreciate it when he's older, and maybe there are bigger and better cross-stitches to complete afterward. My mom says oh no, I don't need to do that, it's fine.
Again, I don't do "hints," so I took what she said at face value. While we were watching our show, I took out the Landscape kit and opened it up. She gasped and said I ruined it! Um...that's what you're supposed to do. I started getting ready to sort the floss and I realized she was on the verge of tears and getting very snappish with me. She wouldn't articulate what the problem was and vehemently denied saying it was okay for me to do it. She was in a terrible mood.
After awhile spent watching the show in silence, she irritably said she ordered herself a kit so it was fine and the situation was over. I asked if she could tell me why she was so upset since I legitimately don't understand. She refused to communicate about it, and although she seemed much calmer, she still ended the call.
A couple hours later I get a text saying she overreacted and apologizing. I say it's okay and assume we've moved on. However, today we planned to watch our show again, so I texted her and explicitly asked if the cross-stitch situation was behind us and whether I could work on it while we watched. She said yes, that's okay.
We're watching, I'm working, we're chatting, everything seems great. Then suddenly she's on the verge of tears again and says she has a question for me. Okay, go ahead. "Why do you have to work on that specific cross-stitch?"
Well, it so happens that that was the last one I had left. I've completed two since they moved and this is the third and final large one I had left to do. But in my opinion, this doesn't matter, as she GAVE it to me and I can do it whenever I want. She seems to accept this answer. I mention that she ordered one so this should be behind us, and she snaps that it cost her $50. I mention that she GAVE this to me, and, irritated this time, I ask if this is finally behind us, because I don't want to keep watching the show if she's going to be like this.
She says fine then, if that's what I want, and we end the call.
I understand that it probably stings seeing me complete something she never got around to doing, but I have really been looking at the pattern on this and I can assure you that she will NEVER do it. It is so complex that the pattern is distributed across two separate pieces of paper. She doesn't even do small ones for Christmas ornaments. It honestly pisses me off that she wants to take this joy and fun away from me, which she already gave me, just so that the kit can sit gathering dust in her closet again. It's such a gorgeous kit, very well designed, and it should be made, not wasted in a closet for another 15 years.
I'm also kind of fed up with my mom not taking responsibility and action for her own situations and emotions, but that's a whole other issue. I feel I've been really kind and supportive throughout everything, and she's thanked me over and over for being such a good daughter. But now a stupid cross-stitch is going to mess things up between us?
I can't imagine she wants me to send it to her now that it's open and she's ordered a new one (for $50, mind you), so the only thing I can think is that she wants an apology, because she definitely doesn't want to talk about what the heck is causing her to react this way. But I can't imagine apologizing for using a GIFT that was SITTING IN A CLOSET FOR 15 YEARS.
tl;dr: Mom gave me a cross-stitch. I started doing the cross-stitch. Mom is upset. What is going on and what should I do?
Submitted May 27, 2020 at 02:09PM by ta-cross-stitch https://ift.tt/3eotWAu
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