UPDATE 2: My [22F] fiance [33M] developed a video game addiction, refuses to move out of his parents house or find a job

Original post https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships/comments/flhz93/my_21f_fiance_33m_developed_a_video_game/

Update: Here's a big update on our situation.

A lot has happened since the last update. First off, I just want to thank everyone for their replies (both positive and negative) because without them, this situation would've ended up a LOT different and I'm very grateful to everyone who replied. Just wanna say Reddit is an awesome community.

So.. pretty much right after we polished up the ol' resume and cover letter and sent it out, I held my phone out my fiance to show him the original post (along with the first update) asking him to read it. At first, he was really upset that I posted our problem on the internet. But I just told him he really needed to see it, because it was a serious problem, and I didn't see our relationship progressing if he kept refusing to do anything about it. So, he read through it and all your replies. Literally everything. Even the very angry replies calling him a worthless loser, a 30yr old predator, saying they'd seen (or experienced) this exact situation before and he was never going to change, etc.

In case you haven't read it, basically the replies warned me to run and never look back. The first update royally pissed people off. The vast majority of commenters were really upset that I actually wanted to stay and work through it. General consensus was that there was nothing to salvage, it wasn't worth the effort, and if I stayed he would make me miserable. Breaking up was an almost unanimous consensus.

While he scrolled through it, he was very silent (apart from crying which he's only ever done twice in our relationship together). After a long time, he asked very quietly if this was how I felt about him too.

Paraphrasing now, I applied the ever so delicate sprinkling of tough love and hit him the ultimatum, "I lost a lot of faith in you and I feel I can't rely or depend on you as a partner. Right now, all I see in my future is buying a house, alone. Finishing my degree, alone. Travelling the world, alone. Nowhere are you in it, because you're just stuck in this room playing video games 18 hours a day. So, I guess I can depend on you for that. But that's not a partner and I won't live like this anymore. I refuse to. You need to tell me now if you're going to do this relapse into doing nothing and being nothing, so I can call off the wedding and stop wasting both of our effort and time. I want to begin my life now, whether you're in it or not, that's your choice. I'd really prefer that you're in it, but I'm honestly just so DONE being in a one-sided relationship doing everything by myself, and I'm so close to just walking away so I can start living my own life now. You're better than this. If you're going to keep me, you need to take care of yourself because otherwise there's nothing else I can do for us." That's pretty much the gist of it.

Then, it was like a switch went off. His demeanor completely changed and he went back to his computer. At first, I thought he was going to ignore me and just keep playing games, but he went on job sites and started applying to more jobs. He easily applied to ~30 jobs the first night. He did this for hours, searching and applying (inside and outside the state) until he went to bed. Then, he did it as again as soon as he woke up in the morning. Rinse and repeat. Yeah, he read what you guys wrote and was absolutely hellbent on proving you strangers on the internet wrong. He really kicked it into gear.

Long story shorter: due to his job history, it wasn't long before he got called in for interviews and promptly landed a position at a large, very reputable tech company. We live in a pretty low cost state, but he managed to negotiate his salary at ~$85k starting. Mostly it's awesome that he finally found a job he enjoys now that isn't high pressure. He also quit being a hermit (we're both still kinda hermits tho due to limitations of coronavirus), got back in contact with his buddies from university, and is now working on a project with them in his spare time for a good change of pace.

During the time he was interviewing, I received acceptance to my dream school, the #1 university for my STEM program in the country. I'll be attending (virtually, probably) soon in the Fall. We've both made arrangements for our own apartments for the time being. After university, I'll reconsider moving in together. Marriage is also on hold until after graduation. I joined a certain R&D group over the spring and now have more obligations than ever while working an absolutely insane amount of hours. On the other hand, I also received a pay raise, so between juggling two full-time jobs, now make ~$140k annually. Once I get around to automating processes, my workload should decrease and I'll have more time on my hands.

A stroke of good luck, due to coronavirus, my fiance's position has been moved entirely online, so he didn't need to move. Also, he couldn't be happier to not have to deal with people. I'd say he clocks on average <35 hours per week, relatively stress-free. The company is discussing making his position permanently stay at home, which is likely to end up happening. Despite my hectic hours, our schedules are more insync than they've ever been in the last 2 years. Since he's had to work, he's no longer the night owl he once was. He's been seeing a virtual therapist regularly and is on medication to help alleviate anxiety and depression. We also have a set schedule now for video game hours. Sometimes we play together, sometimes he plays with friends. He's taken up weightlifting and running to get back into shape. Now, we both run together. He's happier and healthier than he's ever been and we're both better for it.

After my acceptance to university, he told me he wanted to pursue a PhD in Applied Mathematics once he receives word from the company whether his job will be moved permanently online. Whatever he decides to do, I'm going to be there to support him through it, just as he's always been there for me. As always, in sickness and in health, richer or poorer, until corona gets us.

TLDR took a chance. delivered the ultimatum. he has friends, hobbies, a therapist, and a job now.

Submitted May 30, 2020 at 08:05PM by CPTSDthrowawayNT https://ift.tt/3dlTb6n