r/relationships u/difficultninja61m Boyfriend angry because I upset his mum, whilst doing something he asked me to do [queue] I (F42) have been with my boyfriend (M33) for just over a year now. I've always gotten on with his family, especially his mum (this is relevant and I'll explain why shortly.) Me and her were quite close, we'd chat a lot at their house (he lives with his parents and his sister), and message about things we thought the other would like. She's a lovely person. I spent quite a bit of time at their house and got to know them well.
Towards the end of last year, me and my bf had a rocky patch. He was very difficult to be around, bad tempered, argumentative, and nothing I said was good enough. He was the same with his family. Shortly after this, he attempted to take his own life. At the hospital, he told me he didn't want me to tell his mother. Although I wanted to, I respected his wishes because of his state of mind, and also because of how he'd been, I didn't want to make him angry.
Eventually he talked to his sister and asked her to tell his mum. It was a fraught time, eventually I left him because of his behaviour towards me, as I found out he was talking to other women behind my back.
Anyway...
We eventually got back together. Things were pretty intense and sensitive, and I found out he'd told his family that while we were together previously, I'd done some emotionally abusive things. I had done the actions he spoke of, but NOT in an emotionally abusive context. For example, I shouted at him when I found out that he'd been soliciting sexual pics from a female friend. I'd had suspicious and he'd assured me that I had nothing to worry about, and I'd believed him. I shouted at him because I was angry and upset. There was also an incident where he'd done something similar and we were trying to talk through it, and he cancelled plans with his family to stay with me. I in no way asked him or expected him to do this, nor was I aware he thought I'd manipulated the situation to get him to stay with me until months after.
So his family have said I am definitely emotionally abusive. His mum then banned me from their house because she was upset I hadn't told her about bf being in hospital months earlier.
He has since apologised for thinking I was manipulative. He does rightly say he cannot control his mum's decisions as it is her house, but the really odd thing I have only recently realised is that HE is upset at ME because I did what he asked by not telling his mum he was in hospital, and it's upset his mum. In his eyes, I have done wrong by upsetting his mum by doing exactly what HE asked me to do. He actually got mad at me about it and I was so taken aback, I haven't properly addressed it with him.
How should I approach this with him? I feel really resentful that I'm the bad guy in this to him. I totally understand his mum feeling upset and that she's entitled to allow or not allow me in the house, but he is treating me like I'm serving out a sentence until she decides I can come in the house again, and to be honest I'm not entirely sure I want to set foot in a house full of people who clearly think I'm abusive when I'm not!
tl;dr My boyfriend is mad at me because he asked me to not tell his mum he was in hospital after a suicide attempt, and it upset his mum that I didn't tell her. I want to know how to handle this situation.
Submitted May 31, 2020 at 09:55AM by DifficultNinja6 https://ift.tt/2AmjzOW
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