I’ll cut to the chase:
Right now, my husband is very upset / depressed / angry with me because I spend too much time working. But it wasn’t always like this....
Allow me to explain. My husband is a freelancer — frequently out of work and then, magically he’ll find a massively paying gig that’ll come through and save the day. It can be stressful because his income ranges wildly but he always manages to pay his bills and save money.
I am a full time employee at a big boring corporate job. I now work from home full time - much to my husband’s chagrin. I make decent money — enough to live on, pay half the mortgage in our city apartment, buy a bauble now and then, but am certainly not raking in the dough, etc. I tend to be more of a spend-y person as I have consistent income. However, with my husband’s help, I’ve been proudly saving more of my money.
Anyway, when my husband and I started dating 6 years ago I liked that he also had a corporate stable job. But after a frustrating experience he quit and opened up shop as a freelancer. I was supportive. At times, he did incredibly well - yet still insisted we split everything 50/50, when when I made a third of what he made. Now the tables are turned.
He is unemployed, out of work and hating his life — and me, in the process. I am working from home and somehow have a freelance gig, too.
I keep telling him, there’s a third of the American workforce on unemployment or out of work right now. Not having a job is understandable and ok. Yes, it puts me under a great amount of stress to make money for the both of us but i am managing. I think he is internalizing this, believing he is a failure for not being able to work.
Right now, I’m fortunate I have my boring corporate job and that we both are on my company’s health insurance. I also recently picked up a freelance gig - a well paying one at that - and now have been trying to do that at night - to bridge the gap where my husband’s missing income is.
So far, it was going well. He even agreed to help me out with the workload since we work in similar industries — and we could split the profits. But now that I’m working from home — he gets super frustrated when I am on calls all day. And I mean all day.
I normally work a 9-5. But with this freelance gig I’m working 9-9. Trust me, I don’t want to. But this gig amounts to 10% of my annual salary. I cannot turn it down.
I try to use headphones as much as I can and be respectful, but I don’t have an office. He has an at home office — that is his, with his stuff inside — and I’m not really into working in there (as it is totally cluttered and awful.) So I set up camp in the living room and try to connect that way.
Anyway, my husband is angry at me because I’m always working. I have to take calls throughout the day and even during dinner. He insists I set boundaries with work — which for the most part I do — but gets enraged when I won’t get off an important client call to hang out with him on the couch as he drinks wine or reads a book on a Friday night (despite the fact that we are in quarantine and can’t go anywhere or see anyone anyway!)
He berates me constantly about how stupid and worthless my job is, or how dumb the people I work with are. He tells me I am vastly underpaid and makes fun of my meager salary - even though I AM THE ONLY ONE MAKING MONEY RIGHT NOW.
I feel like he is being unreasonable. I’m carrying such a huge stressful burden to provide for the two of us during a global pandemic — and this stress is only compounded by his constant anger and frustration when he lashes out at me.
I can’t live like this. I don’t even mind being the breadwinner for a little because I recognize this stuff goes in cycles. But I am increasingly upset when he tries to make me feel like I’m doing something wrong.
I know he’s upset because he is out of work, but how do I help him not feel bad? What can be done here to respect his feelings but also tell him to STFU?
TLDR: My husband is resentful that I am the breadwinner and is constantly irritated with me when I try to do work.
Submitted May 29, 2020 at 07:44PM by throwawayouttathis https://ift.tt/3dhYP9J
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