Was recommended to post this here for help and advice... First off sorry for my bad English, am not a first native speaker - honestly not sure where to start on this: BF (23M) seems to have almost completely lost interest in me sexually (20F) in recent times. We have never had an amazing sex life but it was alright and that was okay to me, but it's just bad beyond bad now, IMO.
Background: we got together almost 2 years ago, I've always been doing sports, so have been on the more athletic/meaty side since forever (played waterpolo since high school and currently competing for my university). For the record when we first got together till now he's always slammed my sport background and regularly (teasingly) calls me and my teammates/friends names that aren't nice, just as we're more broad-shouldered/buff than the average person? Because he thinks that girls doing physical activities are unattractive and masculine. But other than these semi-jokes he's honestly been an extremely loving and caring boyfriend, which is great so I've somewhat grown to accept/tolerate the former things
Around 2-3 months into our relationship I got into a really bad place emotionally (partially because of his negative outspoken opinions on my sport and my body type but also because of other personal issues too making me enter a state of depression), and ended up kinda neglecting myself and doing bad things like binge-eating alot. Felt horrible and bloated all the time, and coupled with waterpolo and the pool making you very hungry I gained lots of weight, almost 15kg in a year and got very chubby lol. But during this whole time he was always unconditionally loving of me no matter how downtrodden I was/felt, and was always there for me! Which I really appreciated and will never forget
After that dark phase I decided that I really had to get out of my own horrible pit and start taking care of myself again, started taking my meds regularly and going back to practice and also training 6-7 days a week. 9 months through lost a ton of weight and put on a sizeable amount of lean mass relatively, like having kinda "manly" defined biceps and visible stomach muscles... because of that throughout this period even though he was sweet in other aspects, he got back to insulting our sport and me again, e.g. calling me "gross" for having muscular arms and a "4-pack" and I could feel our relationship deteriorating emotionally and sexually. He never initiates anything sexual anymore and is very unresponsive even when I try to, and nowadays during the rare times we get it on he almost makes disgusted faces when he sees my body (which is extremely extremely hurtful to me and my self-esteem), but also does mind-boggling things like touching/holding onto or caressing my shoulders/biceps and abs when we do actually end up making love...? Which is really weird and contrary to everything else
Our bedroom is pretty much dead right now and he doesn't want to talk about it, when I try to bring it up he's uncommunicative and just keeps going back to his opinion that I'm unfeminine now, which he brings up almost day-to-day whenever he's reminded of it. Today was the last straw when he outright said something like "your revolting arm muscles are bulging and that's sickening" when I was doing up my hair and changing while he was there waiting for me. He then walked out of the apartment. I'm alone now crying in the toilet as I'm typing this, I really love him a lot and want to salvage this relationship, and I know he loves me a lot too. I'm pretty much at a loss of what to do and really need help from anyone
TLDR: boyfriend finds me repulsive because of my sport, our sex life is dead but he refuses to communicate. I would really want to try my best to repair and respark the fire in this relationship, would appreciate any and all advice
Submitted May 26, 2020 at 03:02PM by diyanahmustapham https://ift.tt/2ZCABTy
No comments:
Post a Comment