To make it very clear as soon as I possibly can: No, I am not some creep stalking little boys. I'm not trying to meet him in person or manipulate him in any way. I have no ulterior motives or ill intent. It's not like that AT ALL. So please, however you respond to this, please don't throw any insults or assumptions at me. The entire reason I'm here is because I'm genuinely unsure if this is wrong or not, and want advice on how to proceed. I'm fully prepared to accept that the consensus of this might be "Get away from him". I genuinely am looking to do the right thing here.
A while back, I posted in a general "Friendship" thread. This whole Covid lockdown, being stuck inside all day and having no human interaction, has been really getting to me. I'm very much an extrovert, and even though I occasionally still talk to some friends via video chat and have game nights that way, and I have group text messages going with close friends I normally hang out with, I'm finding myself extremely restless and lonely. So I posted a little introduction to myself, hoping to connect with people and make some new friends. I gave a pretty good idea in that post of who I am - I'm 32, I'm a gay male, I work with kids and love my job and generally have a positive, upbeat attitude despite a lot of hardships in my past.
One of the personal messages I got from that thread was a 13-year-old boy from another state. He's gay, doesn't have many friends, and lives alone with a homophobic father. He reached out because he wanted an "older brother" figure, a friendly adult he could talk to and be himself with without fear of judgment. Our ongoing conversation has been extremely goofy, just making jokes and talking about crazy scenarios.
He seems very positive and emotionally healthy. But the reason he reached out rang close to me. I didn't have a very good childhood, and part of the reason I got a job working with kids is because I want to be the adult I wish I had in my life when I was a kid. And I feel like I'm doing that in this situation. He specifically reached out to me because he wanted someone to talk to and get advice from. He expressed disappointment that everyone he'd reached out to in the past wasn't interested. Even though he seems to have a good mindset, there must be some part of him that needs that support and reassurance, and he's definitely about to hit a difficult age. Is it weird - or wrong - for him to have that figure in his life?
My issue is, I work with kids. I'm a figure of authority. I talk to them and am there for them, but I'm also at a different level than them. They're my responsibility. My job very much, and rightfully, prevents us from getting too close to the kids. So it feels really strange to have a kid their age that I'm talking to in more of an equal, level setting. It feels like I'm jumping through some loophole and breaking some rule.
I am, of course, still being responsible with him. I'm being the adult. I'm not going too personal, I'm letting HIM steer the conversations and say what he needs to say without pushing in any certain direction, and I'm genuinely giving him the best, most impartial advice that I can. I don't judge him or push him in any one direction. I'm not making it about me. If I have adult problems, I talk to my adult friends, or go look for advice on Reddit haha. But I AM still trying to treat him with respect. I'm not talking down to him. I'm basically using my work mindset, but without the "discipline" aspect of it. I'm talking to him on his level. I have no authority over him, and have no right to set rules or expectations, so we can just talk as friends, though I still try to act as a role model and put my best foot forward. It just feels weird. But I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a lot of fun at the same time.
What do I do in this situation? Do I ask to talk to his father and introduce myself, even though his father doesn't know he's gay and could potentially disown him for it and/or for needing a support system? Do I let him down gently, tell him to talk to a school counselor or something, and walk away, even though he's the one who reached out and may really need that anonymous support? Do I just keep doing what I'm doing, and hope the father never finds out and assumes the worst? I do have a lot of fun talking to him, and I do believe I could make a positive impact on his life as a "big brother" mentor figure... I just can't shake this feeling that I'm breaking some rule. I'm not trying to disrespect or manipulate anyone, I'm just someone who reached out for a friend and now wants to do right by this kid.
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TL;DR; : I'm in a platonic friendship with a teenage boy who reached out to me looking for a "big brother" figure. I work with kids and could do a lot of good in that role, but at the same time I feel like I'm breaking some rule. Am I doing the right thing? What is the best thing to do for him?
Submitted May 27, 2020 at 09:46PM by throwaway439268 https://ift.tt/2BaVXxd
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