My boyfriend [34/M] is constantly asking me [25/F] about having kids and getting married, but I'm not ready. I'm starting to think I don't even want those things with him. I feel guilty at the thought of kicking him out because he will live on the streets if we breakup... What am I supposed to do?

So, my boyfriend and I met while I was still in college. We have been together for 2 years +. He was my coworker and we were both barely making a couple of dollars above minimum wage. When we were on the same level financially my entire attitude towards the relationship was different.

Now that I have my degree and a career with endless opportunities I am starting to resent him and the idea of a future with him because he does not have the same work ethic I do. In the beginning I thought I would be okay with being the breadwinner, but I'm really not okay with it and I am overwhelmed at the thought of having kids with him and taking on 80% of the financial responsibilities by myself. I could do it, but I would be miserable while doing so.

When I realized how difficult having kids would be I started taking birth control again. I had stopped for about a year when we first moved in together and was 'trying' to get pregnant. Now, several months after I restarted the pill, he is upset and saying I never discussed it with him before I started back... but I did discuss it with him. I remember specifically that we talked about it because I felt horrible. I knew all he wanted was a family with me. He also says that the only reason a woman would restart birth control is because she's cheating... he doesn't understand that I just realized how stupid I was for trying to get pregnant with a loser.

He also has three kids with his ex-wife and I don't want to deal with them anymore. He barely does anything for them and makes little effort to spend time with them, which is very telling of the kind of person he is. When we first got together he blamed their mom, but it is obviously not her fault. She has never tried to keep them from him in the 2+ years we've been together.
When his kids come to visit I get overwhelmed because my boyfriend takes the backseat. We always get into some sort of disagreement because he wants me to parent them because I have several younger siblings and I 'know how to take care of kids' better than he does. But, THEY ARE YOUR KIDS!?

One more thing, the event that set me off to write this post: I have been telling him I am unhappy and depressed for a while now. Last night he asked me if I would mind if he saved up to buy me a ring and I said "I don't care, I'm not even sure I want to get married anymore, but you need to save anyway". That pissed him off and he got out of bed and stayed up all night doing random shit and making a lot of noise. The thing is, he never had to ask my permission to start saving money to buy an engagement ring, or just to save money period. I have been trying to get him to do this the entire time we've been together and I've been telling him I am unhappy for a long time. Why this upset him so much and was such a shock, I cannot fathom.

This is just a summary of how fucked our relationship is. There are several more things I could write about. The kicker is that if we breakup he will have to move back in with his mom and he says he is too embarrassed to go back to his hometown defeated again (he's already been married and divorced twice... like that's my fault). He swears that he will live on the street before he goes back there. Is this just a guilt trip? How do I live with myself knowing I put him out on the street? I mean, it is by his own choice... but I care about him and I want him to be safe.

I realize putting up with all of this makes me sounds VERY stupid. This is my first serious relationship. I was raised in a cult with no healthy ideals of real-life adult relationships. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing and that's why I have come to you all.

TL;DR: My boyfriend is pushing me to get married and have kids with him, but I don't want to anymore. He doesn't believe that I just changed my mind and accuses me of cheating. If I kick him out he will be on the streets. He has barely any money and I would feel awful if something happened to him. What is the right/best thing to do in this situation?

Submitted September 24, 2019 at 11:13AM by ExhilaratingLimeade https://ift.tt/2n5zfQ9