Charlie and I have been together about five months now, and things really are pretty good. No major fights despite the occasional disagreement, and I’m genuinely happy being with him.
That said, his anxiety has started coming out really horribly during intimacy, and I’m not really sure what to do about it.
He has a diagnosis and a regular therapist, and intellectually, I know he cannot help it when those nervous thoughts creep out. I can deal with it from day-to-day and try to be the best support I can be.
But lately, sexy time has literally devolved into me having to lay there and comfort him 3/4 times we’re in bed.
The act itself is good. No complaints. But if I’m not vocal enough, he descends into calling himself a “stupid failure who can’t please me.” And then I hold him, assure him he’s not, and repeatedly tell him I’m not leaving him.
If I’m too vocal, I’m “faking it to make him feel better” and once again, it’s my job to lay there and comfort him.
Either way, we’re done for the night.
I came out late. Charlie was my first everything. Being romantic with him is a large place of vulnerability for me, and I just don’t know what to do when this happens.
I want to be supportive and understand it’s not “about me.” He can’t help mental illness. But I’d love advice on how to broach this. We need to talk about it.
But I’m afraid of sending him spiraling.
TL;DR: Boyfriend has anxiety about performing during intimacy. He’s good; I have no complaints about sex. But he imagines them and it all devolves into me having to comfort him in bed. What can I do?
Submitted February 01, 2019 at 08:15AM by goodnewley http://bit.ly/2G5kOUp
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