Fiance [26m] made a really cruel comment to my little sister [19f] and refuses to apologize. I'm [24f] torn and don't know how to handle this.

This is a very sensitive situation so i will be posting from a throwaway. I think anonymous advice will be good. My fiance and I went to my cousins dinner party last week. Her along with her husband just bought a house together and they threw basically a housewarming party. This was a great opportunity for him to meet most of my family, as we've been away in another state for a temp job for quite a while. I met him while I'm this state.

Now, my fiance knows about my family's situation. Due to some terrible abuse in my childhood, I developed PTSD and generalized anxiety. It's not as bad since my medicine is working a little, but still. I'm normal most days. Now I have 3 younger siblings as well, 19f, 17m, and 21m (who actually disappeared around 6 months ago and we have no idea where he is). My youngest brother has some anger anagement/emotional control issues, but no other illnesses. I believe my little sister has it the worse though, as she has major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, PTSD, and borderline personality disorder. Lost brothers mental state is unknown. Now this is relevant because he knew about my issues, but wasn't too aware of theirs. I told him about it, and that our relationships were delicate, but other than that just act normal.

Well, he didn't do the best job of acting normal. He not only talked to sister like she was slow, but every time I tried to talk to them he would just stand behind me quietly. It was very awkward. Later on that night at the dinner table, we announced we were engaged. Everyone was happy, but I did notice my sister's face was just blank. Away from the table I asked her what was wrong, and she told me, "I'm not going to celebrate you leaving us with mom. You obviously don't care about us anymore so just block me or something so you can live happily ever after with your boyfriend". That really hurt. She has a fear about me leaving her, and thats not true at all. I am in the midst of getting them out of there as I've just bought another property that I'm going to give to them. I had to go work so I could make money and save, but she just sees it as me leaving them.

Now, I think my fiance heard this conversation, because back in the dining room he said to me, "I can tell your sister doesn't like me. Or you it seems". Then he raised his voice a little. "What's the point of people feeling like that? If you feel that way just kill yourself". I am not kidding when I write that he said this. I get being ignorant about mental illnesses and handling them, but talking down to her and then that little statement was horrible. That's one of the reasons why she's like this, is because mom basically gave up on her and told her to just end it if she can't feel better. I know she heard it because she was only a few inches away from him, and then ran out crying. He also told me that the reason he was always standing behind me when we were talking was because he was afraid she might have "snapped". I don't know if he thinks people with borderline are all inherently dangerous, but I feel completely safe around my sister, and that was actually very insulting to her.

He seems so apologetic that I'm upset at him, but when I ask him to apologize to my sister he refuses to take back what he said. He's looking at all this from someone who has basically never been around people with these problems and had a picture perfect childhood. But I just feel like this was too much. I'm starting to wonder That if I wasn't as stable as I am now what he would think of me. Or if he knew how I actually feel sometimes thinking about my childhood, and all the crushing anxiety I get. I can't help it. She wasn't rude or anything to him-a little distant. But Tthat comment was too much. Regardless of what was going on, I feel like that was so cruel. I feel so torn, like I'm being torn in two different directions.

tl;dr: Fiance met my siblings at a dinner party last week. Siblings have some issues due to childhood trauma and he didnt handle it in the best way. Made a really insensitive comment which caused her to cry. Doesn't seem to be regretful about what he said. I feel torn. What to do

Submitted February 23, 2019 at 03:09PM by Manyissuestofix https://ift.tt/2SU3Saj