TL;DR: My Wife (F29) bought a new car we can not possibly afford on the advice of her father, who has given nothing but awful advice to her over our 5 year relationship and I (M36) am extremely angry and am not sure where to go from here.
There's the required TLDR, but there's more to this saga than the blurb.
My wife and I have been together for a little over 5 years now. We were married in early December 2018. We have lived together for a little less than 5 years, so we know each other reasonably well.
Before I begin, my wife is a very kind and loving person who wouldn't intentionally hurt anyone, however, she manages to do it to me consistently.
Throughout our relationship she has not had any money to speak of. Enough for her bills, but that's about it. My own financial situation was fairly dire when we started dating, but I've worked incredibly hard and now have a great job which pays well. The extravagant wedding which I did not want, was an incredible financial burden. I wanted something small and simple with close friends. She wanted a fairytale wedding.
I detested the wedding itself. Her father became heavily involved and insisted on additions which were well outside of my budget. I conceded because this is my new family, right? The financial aspect aside. I hated every minute of our wedding day. Her father demanded things we did not want. Stormed out of our actual wedding (we had a small signing with family prior to the ceremony a few days before) over the seating plan, and created a situation in which we, the bride and groom, did not have seats at our own reception. I am incredibly bitter about the whole thing.
It's also important to mention that my wife has a history of terrible financial decisions and keeping them from me. Credit cards and store accounts which she's maxed and I've had to cover.
That brings me to my current situation. A few weeks ago my wife mentioned that she'd be selling her vehicle to payoff her student loans, and would be buying a new vehicle with what was left. Sounds pretty sensible for people starting their lives together, right? I agreed that it sounded like a great idea. Her father had a contact in the car industry and I was assured it was a great deal. Last weekend she took possession of the vehicle and drove it straight out of the dealer.
Friday was payday. Today she has a new car, no money for petrol, no money for groceries and a 5 year payment plan that has effectively increased her debt by roughly 300%.According to her, it was all budgeted out with her father according to what she could afford. When it came to sign, the payments were 3 times higher than agreed upon, but she signed and took possession anyway. She didn't want to look stupid.
Im absolutely furious. I have been carefully saving and managing my money to ensure that my personal debt would be clear by December 2019. This morning I gave myself a pat on the back because it was completely achievable. This evening, after trying to figure out why she was down, the financial situation with the car became apparent. There's not a chance I'll be debt free at the end of this year, or the next, or the next. To make matters even worse, I haven't made a contribution to my pension since I've met her. Initially it was because I simply couldn't afford to. Then I needed to pay for a wedding I didn't want. Now a fucking car we didn't need and couldn't afford. While I'm trying to sort out my own damn debt
I feel that she has selfishly made decisions which have a significant impact on our lives for the foreseeable future. I feel that she mislead me and lied by omission. When I paid off her secret credit cards and store accounts, I said I would leave her if it happened again.
I love her dearly, but I'm furious as fuck. I have no idea what to do. Do I get a divorce? Do I make her take the car back? Do I deal with the situation and move as far away from her father and his manipulation as possible? I have no idea how to handle these constant abuses of trust.
Submitted January 28, 2019 at 02:08PM by chemicalclarity http://bit.ly/2WlB8Fr
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