EDIT: Thanks for all the advice! I should have included I don't plant to tell her I snooped. It wouldn't be productive, and knowing my mom, she probably doesn't even remember the journal exists. She wouldn't be mad; she'd just feel bad that I'm worried, which I don't want! I also definitely won't snoop again. I know my excuse isn't valid, I just felt the need to explain that I don't have a habit of picking up diaries in bedrooms for entertainment. It's the only time I've done something like that, and I felt awful and ended up worrying a lot over something that may not be a problem anyway.
That all said! I'm going to take my mom out to dinner next time I'm in town, and I'm writing a letter to her telling her all the things I love about her as a woman and about having her as a mother. I really appreciate hearing from everyone, especially from moms. Thanks a lot!
To start, I know it was definitely wrong to snoop in the old journal. My mom sent me to the garage to find some stuff for her in an old chest, and the cover had such a pretty pattern, I checked to see if it was fully used so I could ask to keep it if it still had space. There were only a few pages filled out, so I thought it wasn't important. The first line was a date, 23 years ago, when I would've been 3, and it mentioned me as a baby. My mom kept lots of baby books and baby diaries she lets me dig out and read (and sometimes keep), so I assumed this was more of the same and started reading.
I should've stopped the minute I realized it wasn't a baby book, and that's where I messed up. It was all about my mom's dreams as a young woman and how she'd put them aside to follow my dad when he moved to another state because she loved him, and then she put them aside again when she had me. She ended up getting a degree she wasn't really interested in and even worried she might not be smart enough for the one she wanted.
But she wrote in the few pages that she was secretly pursuing the degree again, taking classes on the side when she had time between housekeeping and caring for me. She didn't want to tell many people in case it didn't work out, but she gushed for pages about how good it felt, how badly she'd wanted it and for so long, and how fulfilling it was to finally be working toward it, her dream come true.
Well, I don't know all that happened between then and now, but she never got the degree. My dad also left her 6 years ago due to his own issues.
Reading those pages, the longing and the excitement, broke my heart, because I know how it turned out.
My mom is a brilliant woman. I know a lot of people think that, but she really is. I know the only reason she didn't achieve her dream career is because of motherhood and because she spent so many years just doing what my dad wanted. Now it's too late for that career, and I have reason to suspect she still longs for it.
She's working in another field out of necessity. I think she likes it alright, but it's not ideal, and I know life hasn't gone the way she planned.
The possibility that my mom may still doubt herself somehow, especially with the way my dad bailed, tears me apart. I know she's sensitive and self-conscious about what people think and about whether she's done well at everything, even though she usually hides it really well.
I want my mom to feel and see the truth: she's accomplished, beloved in our social circle, talented, inspiring, strong, and just all-around amazing. She's a rock.
But I can't exactly just say "hey, in case you have regrets about the way your life went, I want you to know you're doing amazing." It'd seem really weird, and it wouldn't have a lasting effect.
How can I, in the day-to-day, affirm these truths, as a daughter to her mother? I know moms worry so much about raising confident daughters, but I have no idea how to help encourage a confident mom!
TLDR: I think my mom may have some regrets about the way her life went. How can I help her believe how truly amazing she's done and keeps doing?
Submitted January 02, 2019 at 06:29PM by lesbianhey http://bit.ly/2F4wzdk
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