Hi! I would love and appreciate any insight anyone can give me in this crazy time in my life.
I know this isn’t a lot of info as wife is a redditor as well but I hope it’s enough to get some help.
I have been married for 3 years to my wife. We got married as soon as gay marriage became legal and haven’t had anything but a happy marriage as she is my best friend—that is until recently.
When we got married I thought we were both on the same page about our desires and goals in life.
She recently asked me for an open relationship and I do not want one. We have discussed this multiple times and she has almost convinced me. I did more research on my part. I’m not okay with it. I don’t want an open relationship- I know agreeing to one when I don’t want one is a recipe for disaster but upon further communicating she has said this is something we can’t compromise on, she wants one and that’s final on her part. I don’t shame her for wanting one but I wish she knew this before we got married.
She also says she’s not sexually attracted to me anymore because I remind her of all the tedious things in life (rent, bills, insurance etc)—i admit that maybe sometimes I can be very business and approach things kind of bossy- but it’s because if I don’t she will forget or not do it at all. I cant ask her to try to be attracted to me again can I?
Well she won’t say she wants a separation/divorce but as soon as I bring it up she refuses to talk about it. I’m too afraid to ask for a separation because I don’t know how to cope with this emotionally without making mistakes.
I have a feeling she doesn’t want to talk about it because it would make it real and we have to start the separation process. I obviously love her more than anything and also don’t want to talk about separating. I’m afraid of the pain of losing her. I’m also still deeply in love with her but I can’t put myself in a position where I am doing things I’m not okay with.
I don’t want a divorce, I don’t want an open relationship, but I have to do something?
So were in limbo. I have offered couples therapy and she has refused, and i know this is the end, she doesn’t want me anymore. I have a feeling she’s already looking into being with other people (being secretive about her phone, texting people all them time, not coming home, lying about where she is etc)
Does anyone know of any resources or have gone through something similar? My sense of self confidence is destroyed and I am pretty broken about all this. But I refuse to have pity parties. Relationships sometimes don’t work and mine happens to be one of them. Thank you all if you read to the end and sorry if it was hard to read I’m scatterbrained and feeling all sorts of feelings
TL:DR I think my only option at this point is separation but I don’t know how to do this emotionally.
EDIT: I’m so overwhelmed by all the replies. I posted it on my lunch break and I just got off work and sobbing in my car to all the kind and informative replies. I will 100 percent be seeking a therapist to help process all this and I just feel a light at the end of the tunnel forming. Thank you all for your help!
I will be responding to each and everyone as I am so thankful for your time responding to me, but I am taking breaks as it has been a very emotional evening. Once again thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Submitted January 28, 2019 at 02:33PM by idkwhattod00 http://bit.ly/2Uq2N6k
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