Daughter [15F] has acted antisocially on and off for years and nothing seems to have worked. I [45M] don't know if we [44F wife] have done enough or what else can we do.

She's has always been short tempered and this has caused trouble with pretty much everyone in her life. While she can definitely cooperate and do her chores, get good grades, etc., she can just as easily snap on you and be a wall or just do whatever is opposite to what we want or need from her.

She had trouble in the early grades for being quick to anger and aggressive to other boys and girls. She stole candies, a Game Boy once, lied and bullied her schoolmates into submitting to her. We would have long talks with her (I'm talking around thew time she was 6-9) about how her attitude was disruptive and destructive and she was just pushing people away and hurting them, and she would sometimes apologize and others she would curl up and turn into a rock.

She calmed down a bit for a few years even though there was still some times where she would be randomly adversarial to us and mean to her sister. She would get in trouble in high school just like in elementary school and she got into a big fight 2 years ago with another girl. They really hurt each other and were nearly expelled but were instead given community service.

Things were "normal" after that ans she was actually improving and apologizing for the things she said and did, and we were happy with her will to change for the better. Then she slowly went back to being irritable and angry at everyone for no reason. She would talk back, purposefully not do the things she was meant to do, and antagonize her sister. One day her sister hit her because she was tired of her attitude and ended up overpowering her on the floor. We quickly broke them up and after that she went totally crazy on everyone in the house, called us horrible names and flailed her arms if we tried to get close to her, then ran to her room crying hysterically and didn't speak to anyone for I believe 4 days.

We took her to a therapist and even though it seemed to have some positive effect at first, she then started using the jargon her therapist to justify her attitude and framed everything as if we were mistreating her and deliberately making her a victim. After 3 months it was clear it wasn't working and we decided to stop taking her to therapy (this was early last year).

Since then she's acted on and off like a brat, even made a scene (privately, to us in our room, thankfully) at her sister's birthday because she was supposedly given a bigger party with more people, when in fact it's just that her sister has more friends than she does so clearly there would be more people.

No punishment or kind appeal has changed her mind. Everyone is out to get her in her mind and no matter what you say or show her through actions, she's right and you are wrong and she'll twist any situation in her favor.

We love her very much and she has the capacity to be a good person, but she is too easily driven by her emotions and does things rashly and impulsively and it hurts people around her, then when people react to her attitude she feels justified in her attitude because people are opposing her.

Have we done something wrong? What else can we do? It's very frustrating to see her turn into a bitter person that will probably go through life thinking she's the victim when in fact she is more often than not, the abuser and initiator.

What can we do?

tl;dr: Daughter is impulsive and deliberately disruptive and no amount of kindness or punishment has ever worked. Are we doing something wrong? What else can we do? We are afraid she'll turn into a bitter person be an unhappy woman who hurts others while thinking of herself as the victim. How can we change her mind?

Submitted January 03, 2019 at 06:38AM by ValuableBattle3 http://bit.ly/2F46hae