Boyfriend (36m) of almost three years has been telling me for 2 years that a proposal is coming. How can I (35f) stop feeling hurt, angry, and resentful about the delay?

Some background info: our lives are intertwined in every way possible. We just moved into a very expensive custom home we built together. We bought a $30k RV together last year. We have 2 dogs together. We have lived together for 2.5 years (we were unofficially shacking up after 3 months of dating). His family is my family. We're old enough with enough failed relationships under our belt that we know what we want in life and in a partner so there isn't any doubt that we can make a lifetime together work.

What I need help with is dealing with the angry, resentful feelings I have developed over not being married yet. He has been telling me for 2 years tha that he's going to propose. About every 6 months I have lost patience and confronted him about it. It's getting to the point where I'm resentful, disappointed, and losing trust in him.

It hurts my heart that he isn't dying to marry me like I am dying to marry him.

I got pregnant with his baby in May, but miscarried at 9 weeks. During the pregnancy we had talked about "getting married on paper" and I was crushed that he made it clear he hadn't made any plans to propose since he found out I was pregnant. Comments he made to family asking if we were going to get married were along the lines of "we're gonna fix that before the baby comes."

More background info: He is twice-divorced so obviously gun-shy. But he hadn't even lived with either of them before they got married. We have lived together for almost the same amount of time as his previous marriage lasted. He considers himself Christian so I know the idea of marriage is important to him. The ironic thing is I didnt care about marriage and viewed it as a contract, until I met him and learned his value-set and it became important to me.

At first, the excuse I got was that he was saving up for a ring. Then he bent over backwards to free up enough money to buy the RV. Less than a year later he made $35k cash off the sale of our last house and used it to pay off all debts. The money excuse is over- if he wants to make something happen, he has the means necessary to do it.

I'm beyond understanding why he hasn't proposed yet other than he just doesn't want to yet. We are actively trying to get pregnant and it's taking much much longer than the 1st time- which was a total surprise and shock bc I had barely gone off birth control (we figured nothing could happen very quickly or easily since we're both older). We were overjoyed about being parents.

I am further disappointed because if he had proposed already we could have already planned a wedding and been married by now. I would prefer to be married before our first child came into the world because literally there is no reason we couldn't be except he just won't propose. He is willing to make babies and build our lives together but won't say anything except "its gonna happen, I promise" every time I confront him about it. But still nothing happens. I am toying with the idea of telling him I'm not trying any more until we are married because I feel like that's the last carrot I have. But at the same time I i dont want to manipulate a proposal out of him, I want him to want to propose. I am almost 36 and tired of waiting to start a family and know in my heart I want him to be the father of my children no matter what our relationship status.

Please help me figure out how to stop caring about a proposal so I can stop feeling depressed, angry, hurt, and resentful.

And if you are wondering why I want to be married so bad- it's a lot of reasons. I want the symbol of commitment, I want the happy wedding-day memories and photos. My dad is 68 and has health issues, and my mom is already dead so I want at least one parent alive at my wedding. I will be 36 soon with no children or previous marriages. Also, I am completely committed to him. I am not going to give him an ultamatum because I know I want to be with him forever. I am just hurt and it feels like I'm either being taken for granted, or that what I want just isn't important to him. He knows how badly I want to get married.

Also financially I want the protection of a marriage. I am on the hook for our debts we have taken out together, but his mother gets his $1 mil life insurance policy payout if he were to die (and he is in a dangerous line of work where his life is literally on the line every day he goes to work). I am not so foolish as to think she'd share one cent of that money out of the goodness of her heart. And he would not get a dime if something happened to me- I have a $300k policy so he could at least pay off the mortgage if something happened to me.

Family doesn't get it either. Everyone who knows him swears he loves me to death and they are equally mind-boggled that he hasn't proposed.

I really just want some good advice and perspective to help me stop caring and stop hurting that he hasn't done it yet. I don't think he will ever tell me anything else besides to just keep waiting if I keep bringing it up. I have been trying to meditate it away, and trying to tell myself its just a peice of paper, not proof of his love. Any thoughts or ideas?

TL;DR Boyfriend has been telling me he is going to propose for the last 2 years. I don't want to give him an ultamatum but it hurts my feelings that he isn't dying to get married to me the way I am to him. Does anyone have advice to help me stop feeling hurt that he still hasn't proposed, and how to stop caring about not being married altogether?

Submitted January 28, 2019 at 10:35AM by Shoveitupyouracai http://bit.ly/2Ti9lnd